


Over and Undertow

by attfna



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Cutting, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Getting Back Together, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor Character Death, Post Break-up, Post-Canon, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:49:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 33,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22120573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/attfna/pseuds/attfna
Summary: Canon compliant through the books and some of the extra content.I happened. I promised him always and I left. I was just another person who forced my way into his life and then walked away. I was a pipe dream. A nightmare.Neil leaned forward, listless and tired. He curled his hands in the fabric of the sheets and let his mind tear him down. He deserved it, after all.
Relationships: Katelyn/Aaron Minyard, Matt Boyd/Danielle "Dan" Wilds, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 129
Kudos: 392





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Eyyyyy I finally finished something for once. This was actually a drabble I wrote to take a break from my other ridiculously long WIP’s that are not even close to being half done, despite already being 150 pages in. SO, this isn’t my best work but hopefully it’s something fun to pass the time. And by fun I mean 30k words of ANGST. I literally woke and was like ‘I want to write something that will rip my heart out.’ So yea, that’s how this happened. But this fic is COMPLETE and will update regularly.
> 
> This has a bit of smut, so that’s why the ‘E’ rating. I’ll post warnings with each chapter if you want to avoid it. There will also be drinking, cutting, homophobia, and other general AFTG warnings. 
> 
> All credit to Nora of course, I own nothing. 
> 
> Visit me on tumblr if you have questions. [https://andthenthefirenationattacked.tumblr.com/]
> 
> Note: Canon compliant through the books and some of the extra content.

**Chapter One**  
Chapter Rating: T

Years in the home of a murderer, on the run, and on an Exy court had left Neil’s body battered and broken time and again. But never did he expect the impact the written word and an ill-fated photograph would have on his life. 

It happened the winter over his fifth year at Palmetto State. Neil had been contending with three new freshmen and training his vice-captain, who he still didn’t get along with even though they had been playing together for four years. The Christmas holidays would provide a much-needed break. The plan had been to go to Chicago to visit Andrew, who he hadn’t seen in person in three months. Andrew had been playing with the Chicago Cardinals since he graduated and their team had a training camp over the Thanksgiving holidays that prevented him from traveling. So, the second Neil left class on December 13th, he drove his gray BMW to the airport and parked in long-term parking to hurry inside for his flight to Illinois. 

He spent two weeks with Andrew at his apartment – their apartment. They had picked it out together. Well, Neil had done most of the picking. Andrew had been so apathetic about the whole ordeal he’d merely followed Neil around to the handful of potential places and signed when something had been chosen. His only requirements had been a top floor to avoid noise from neighbors and a garage to park his car. The apartment Neil chose was a single bedroom penthouse on the top floor of a tall, sleek black building in the center of the city. It had a parking garage attached and access to the complex required a keycard. 

The space looked different when he arrived in December. Neil knew Nicky had been to visit back in October and assumed he was the reason for the matching blue and black décor. And while the pair barely said two words to each other on the drive from the airport, Andrew wasted no time in pushing Neil down against the plush surface of the leather couch the moment they were through the door. Clothes were discarded and time was forgotten. For two weeks they stayed sheltered away from the outside world. Andrew still had practice most days, leaving Neil to explore the city or go for a run or to the gym. He wished he could sit in on Andrew’s practices but they had managed to keep their relationship a secret for four years and it was best to keep it that way. 

On the last night of his visit, on New Years eve, they went out for a late dinner. Some hole in the wall Thai place that Andrew liked. Afterwards they wandered until they came across an ice-skating rink in the center of the city. Neil was tipsy enough from drinks at the restaurant and spiked cider from a street side stand that he admitted he’d never been ice skating and that it seemed like fun. Andrew tried to drag him along by his elbow but he resisted, a grin on his face and heat in his eyes that he knew Andrew had a harder time resisting the longer they were together. A few whispered promises about all the dirty things he would do for Andrew once they were back at the apartment eventually had the blond tying skates to his feet with a hateful scowl on his face. ‘Half an hour and then we are leaving. Do not even think about holding my hand.’ Neil’s grin grew wider but he hid it by tilting his chin down into his bright orange scarf. Finally, they stumbled their way to the interior of the rink and two set to the ice alongside families and too many children who were probably up well past their bedtime. Neil was surprised to find himself steadier on his feet than he thought he would be. Maybe years of running and Raven suicide drills had left him nimbler than most. Andrew spent most of the time hugging the wall, wobbly and looking like he wanted to rip Neil into a thousand pieces for even suggesting the ridiculous activity. Eventually he got the hang of it and skated a few inches away from the barrier, hand outstretched in case he started to fall. Just to irritate his volatile goalkeeper even more, Neil took to skating backwards in front of him. 

Overhead a clock tower clanged loudly, signifying the approach of the New Year. Most of the skaters paused to count down to midnight but a few kept moving. A little boy smacked into the back of Andrew with a muttered apology before hurrying along to his mother and Andrew fell forward into Neil. Neil caught him, gently grasping his elbows through his heavy winter coat. He still had a grip on Andrew when fireworks went off somewhere overhead, probably over the Lake Michigan. Andrew looked back and Neil watched the bursts of fire explode in the sky, the colors reflected in hazel eyes. Neil gave Andrew’s elbow a little tug and leaned in to crowd his space. ‘Hey....yes or no.’ Andrew turned to face him with an eyebrow quirked. He turned to look once, twice, eyes narrowing for any sign that they were being watched before turning back to Neil. ‘Yes.’ So, Neil kissed him. It was a fleeting thing, a light brush of cold lips. When Neil withdrew, he pressed a kiss to the soft skin beneath Andrew’s ear and whispered ‘Happy New Years.’ Later that night Neil made good on his promises and didn’t sleep even though he had a flight to catch at ten thirty the next morning. He was still so wrapped up in blissful thoughts and phantom touches the next day when he walked on the court for practice that not even his inept freshman could sour his mood. It wasn’t until the Wednesday of his return that things began to go horribly wrong. 

It started with an article in the National Gazette, a tabloid rag that was more useful as toilet paper than as a news source. But the story had been peddled around and eventually made its way to Exy Plus, a legitimate Exy magazine that was well sourced and well respected. The story speculated on the relationship between Neil Josten and Andrew Minyard and had photos of the two of them kissing to prove the stories accuracy. They weren’t kissing on the mouth, but they had caught Neil, brushing his lips behind Andrews ear and a second photo immediately after, where Neil had pulled back far enough to look Andrew in the eyes. They were gazing at each other, Neil’s hands on Andrew’s elbows and Andrew’s hands clamped around Neil’s forearms. Neil was smiling brightly and Andrew had a softer expression on his face that Neil only ever saw when the two of them were alone. It was obvious in the photos that they were more than just old teammates. The headline of the gazette read ‘Exy Athletes Spend Romantic New Years in Windy City’. After getting over the initial shock and panic, Neil had scoffed at the tagline over the phone with Andrew. ‘I wonder how romantic they would consider it if they knew how many times you said you hate me that night. Or how you flicked a lit cigarette at me just because I made a joke about that striped polo shirt they made you wear for that team fundraiser.’ 

Andrew had taken it mostly in stride. He seemed unconcerned about their surprise outing but livid over the fact that people knew he’d been coerced into ice skating, having to endure several phone calls (because he kept hanging up) from Nicky about how ‘adorable’ they were. Over the next few weeks they both declined all requests for interviews or quotes for magazines to address the articles. They didn’t deny anything, that was pointless really, and hoped it would just die down. The first real consequence came in February when Andrew was pulled aside by the teams managers and lawyer and the ‘morality’ clause was thrown in his face. His contract stipulated that he wasn’t allowed to do anything to bring ‘bad press’ to the team and the longer they ignored the stories the wilder the speculation became. It also led to a handful of religious zealots picketing his game against Houston that February, parking themselves outside the stadium with their homophobic signs and megaphones screeching about sin and hell. Andrew sat through the meeting and didn’t say a word. Instead he contacted Renee who got on the next flight out and marched into his next meeting with a bone to pick. 

After graduating PSU, Renee had spent six months in the Peace Corps before returning to school. That December, she’d graduated from Ohio State with a law degree that specialized in civil rights. The teams ‘morality’ issues with Andrew’s personal life quickly became a moot point and they backed off. There was always the possibility that they traded him once his contract was up that May but Andrew was confident in his skill as a goalkeeper and that plenty of teams would take his outstanding statistics over a few tired news stories any day. 

Neil was not fairing so well. At first, he assumed it would blow over. He’d even made sure to keep a civil tongue in post-game interviews. Well mostly. Once in March, after being cornered at school by a news crew that had somehow snuck their way onto the campus, Neil had to make a hasty getaway and ran for three miles until he was back at Fox Tower. The following Friday their prodding had become too much and he’d practically told the media to go fuck themselves and stay out of his personal life. Wymack had reprimanded him for caving in to their questioning but seemed unsurprised. The real fall out came later that month when two pro-teams who had scouted him earlier in the year, who he expected contracts from, rescinded their unofficial offers. Wymack told him not to worry about it, that it could have just as easily been from his big mouth or being able to sign someone else for less money. And he wasn’t worried, not really. In truth he’d been holding out in hopes of being signed by a midwestern team to be closer to Andrew. But as May approached, no more offers came. He’d done well the last four years and was easily one of the top three strikers in the NCAA. And yet by the end of April he only had two pro contracts on the table. 

He could never be sure how, but somehow the media had gotten wind of his predicament. Now the headlines read ‘Neil Josten – Starting Striker or Stalled Talent’. Neil had nearly put his fist through the laptop screen when he read the most recent drabble. Andrew had only mocked the article over their weekly skype session, probably trying to smooth over his foul mood. ‘Maybe Kevin can help again. Does he have anymore fathers we should know about?’ 

The support of the rest of the original Foxes was welcome and unsurprising. They had all been hounded by the media and in turn and kept their mouths firmly shut, closing ranks just as they always had. It was infuriating and exhausting but both Neil and Andrew had dealt with worse. Or so he thought. 

It was a cool day in the beginning of May when everything fell apart. Neil had just left graduation and was going on his evening run. The tower would close in two days and then he would be off to Florida to start training with the Tallahassee Hellhounds. It wasn’t his first choice, or his second or third. But it was either the Hellhounds or the Portland Cougars and even if he preferred the weather in Oregon, he didn’t want to go back to the west coast. Both teams were mid-ranked and offered him a fair deal. Not nearly as much as he hoped, especially since he knew how much Andrew and Kevin were making, but this didn’t have to be forever. He just needed a chance to prove himself in the pros, get on a better team, renegotiate when the year was up. Andrew hadn’t reacted when Neil had given him the news but he knew neither of them were happy that they would be even further away from each other. Still, they would work it out. 

Neil was almost back to the dorms when a black car pulled alongside the curb. The window rolled down to reveal an aging Asian man in a black suit. 

“Neil Josten...get in.” 

The door opened and Neil got in obediently. The window rolled up and the car pulled away from the curb to circle perimeter road. 

“You know who I work for?” asked the man, his voice gritty and heavily accented. 

“Yes,” said Neil, clasping his hands over top of his jersey clad thighs. 

The man handed over a manila envelope and Neil took it instinctively. His heart was lodged in his throat and his nerves were pulsing like live wires but he knew this was coming. Kevin and Jean had received similar visits when they graduated. 

“Inside you will find the information needed to transfer your earnings. There is a contact number if there are any hiccups, do not call unless absolutely necessary. Follow the instructions precisely. If you are ever questioned about your...donations, you will find a script of exactly how to address the issue, do you understand?” 

“Yes,” Neil nodded and clutched the file with white knuckles. 

“There’s something else,” continued the man. “Lord Moriyama is not pleased with your progress. Your proclivities have brought unnecessary attention and are likely the reason for your mediocre contract. So, here is what you will do. We have already contacted the gentleman who sold your photos to the Gazette and offered him a generous sum to publicly admit the photos were altered. It will be on the national news by 7pm tomorrow night. We will of course be collecting those additional fees from your first payments and interest for the inconvenience.” 

Neil stiffened under the mans gaze. He didn’t want to give anything else up to the Moriyamas but considering who he was in debt to, it could be worse. Neil nodded his understanding but it seemed the man wasn’t done. 

“You will also cease your relationship with the goalkeeper. If you are questioned by the media again you will state that you are merely former teammates and nothing more. You will not be seen with him again. You will not try to continue your relationship behind closed doors. You will not engage in a relationship with another man at all. Do you understand?” 

“What?! But I....” Neil’s face contorted, rage etching his features as he glared down at the man who merely raised a hand to silence him. 

“Do you understand?” 

“This is unreasonable,” he said, willing himself to calm down. 

“Oh? Perhaps you would like to take that up with Lord Moriyama. I’m sure he could find a reasonable casket for you if you prefer.” 

Neil shut his mouth. He had every intention of finding a way around this ridiculous demand. 

“And before you try to find a way to circumvent our request, you should know. You are considered an investment at the moment...the goalkeeper is not. Should things not go according to plan, he will be taken off the board......or court...if you prefer. Permanently. You are being given a second chance to impress and the Lord will not have him mucking it up. Should he be a problem, he will simply be eliminated. So, I will ask again, do you understand?” said the man. 

If looks could kill Neil would have shred the man to ribbons. At length he managed to grit out “I understand” between ragged breaths and flared nostrils. 

“Good. Now do not make us clean up your mess again or there will be consequences you cannot afford to pay. You are dismissed.” 

Neil held the man's gaze for another moment before reaching for the handle. The car rolled to a stop and Neil practically launched himself from the leather interior. He stood on the sidewalk and watched the car disappear into the dark. 

He ran back to the tower. Sweat that had nothing to do with his run poured from his temples. Luckily the room was empty. One of his roommates had already left to return home and the other was likely out partying with the rest of the team, enjoying the last nights on campus before summer break. He barely made it to the bathroom before his abdomen clenched and he emptied the contents of his stomach into the toilet. For minutes, or maybe hours, he lay there against the cold tile, clinging to the porcelain basin. His insides flopped painfully and he felt hot all over. This couldn’t be happening. Neil would give up all the money in the world and consider it inconsequential, but giving up Andrew....This had to be a nightmare. Neil smacked himself on his clammy cheeks several times, willing himself to wake up. 

But this was a nightmare he couldn’t wake from. 

It was after ten when he managed to drag himself away from the toilet. He brushed his teeth and gulped down several handfuls of water. Afterwards he stumbled to the bedroom and flicked on the light. Neil moved to the closet and dug out the small safe he’d purchased his first day on campus so many years ago. After a few failed attempts under shaky fingers, he got it open and pulled out an old flip phone. He’d bought a newer phone three years prior, right after the girls graduated. The new device was able to receive pictures and video chats from his departed teammates. Andrew had the same model since they had purchased them together. But in his safe he kept an old burner phone with purchased minutes. It was only used for emergencies and only Kevin, Wymack, and Andrew had the number. He flipped it open and dialed Kevin. 

“What?” came the dull tone of Kevin’s voice after four rings, sounding slightly irritated. 

“I need to talk to you. Are you still in Birmingham at your match?” 

“Yes...Neil, what’s....” 

“I’ll be there in the morning. Text me the hotel address.” 

He hung up the phone and tossed it to the side. A few minutes later, while Neil was busy pacing a hole in the carpet, his other phone rang and he froze. It was Andrew. It was his ringtone and it was almost eleven o’clock. The same time he called almost every night. He pulled the phone from his back pocket and turned it off. He couldn’t talk to Andrew right now. Not when he felt so raw and desperate and knew that nothing would stop him from telling Andrew everything. And he couldn’t do that. Andrew deserved to live out the remainder of his life in peace. He’d spent so long looking out for everyone else, building his life around his family in order to keep them safe, Neil didn’t want to drag him down that rabbit hole again. He had to shield Andrew from all of this no matter what. He had to figure this out on his own. 

Neil stopped pacing long enough to dig a bottle of rum from one of the kitchen cabinets. It belonged to his roommate and was too sweet and he grimaced at the taste but it was all they had. Neil rarely drank anymore, let alone in the company of his current teammates. But tonight, he drank. He drank until the bottle was empty and he couldn’t see or think straight. Until it was all he could do to stay sober long enough to purchase a morning flight from Upstate Regional to Birmingham. And then he collapsed on his bunk and let sleep take his weary mind.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All credit to Nora of course, I own nothing.
> 
> Visit me on tumblr if you have questions. [https://andthenthefirenationattacked.tumblr.com/]
> 
> Note: Canon compliant through the books and some of the extra content.
> 
> Chapter Rating: T (language)

Neil woke to the grating sound of his alarm and the groan of Vince, his current roommate, who merely rolled over and went back to sleep once the room grew quiet again. 

After spending half an hour putting makeup on his face, a technique Allison had shown him years ago that nearly hid his scars, Neil finished packing. Even after five years at Palmetto he still wasn’t materialistic. His belongings fit in four duffle bags, two of which had already been packed and tossed in his car the day before. He had a few belongings at Andrew’s apartment – clothes and toiletries so he didn’t have to pack much when he visited. But otherwise, this was it. Neil pulled a black cap over his head to cover his unruly auburn hair and dressed in a lightweight, long-sleeved shirt and faded jeans. He stuffed his feet into his trainers and left the dorm key on the counter in case he wasn’t back before they had to clear out. By eight am he was on the road to the airport. 

It cost him an absurd amount of money to buy a non-stop flight last minute, but at least it was a short trip and uneventful. By 11:30 am he was sitting in the lobby of an upscale hotel in Birmingham, head down and hands wrapped around a large cup of coffee. Kevin appeared a few minutes later, Neil having texted him on the cab ride from the airport. He looked the same as always, though his hair was a bit longer than the last time Neil had seen him. Neil stood when he approached. 

“What the hell is going on, Neil?” he hissed, looking around as if to make sure they weren’t being watched. 

“I’ll tell you. But is there somewhere private we can talk? I don’t need more photos in the news,” he said bitterly. 

Kevin gave him another searching look but nodded. “The stadium is a few blocks up, we can talk there. I still have my access card.” 

They walked side by side, but not too close. Neil noticed Kevin had covered his own tattoo with makeup for the occasion, though that wasn’t uncommon. He often did it at airports or when going out in the public just to avoid being harassed by fans or the media. Even two years playing for the pros hadn’t softened Kevin’s demeanor. He could put on a pretty smile for cameras on game day but was otherwise just as surly as ever. 

Once inside the stadium, Kevin led the way to the lounge area outside the locker rooms. They had seen a few people milling about but mostly cleaning crews and employees, polishing the court and getting things cleaned up after last nights game. Neil didn’t even bother to ask if Kevin's team had won or not. 

Kevin dropped onto the couch, fingers threaded together and forearms resting on his knees. His eyes tracked Neil, who had resumed his nervous pacing. 

“Talk,” said Kevin. “What’s going on?” 

Neil finally paused to glare at him. It took him a few tries to get the words out, nails digging into his own palms to ground him. “Ichirou sent someone to see me yesterday.” 

Kevin twitched a little at the name but otherwise looked unsurprised. “And?” 

Neil closed his eyes and counted to ten. First in English...then in German, French, Spanish and Russian. It was a miracle Kevin wasn’t throwing him against the wall and demanding answers since patience had never been one of his virtues. Finally, Neil forced himself to sit, dropping onto the cushion beside Kevin and leaning forward, putting his head in his hands. It took ten minutes to explain everything, having to pause every few minutes to take a rattling breath that hurt his chest with the effort. His body ached and he couldn’t tell if it was from the hangover or stress. 

“Kevin....what do I do? There has to be a way to fix this.” he croaked out, feeling utterly defeated. 

He spent the entire plane ride trying to riddle out a solution in his head, but came up empty. He was willing to gamble with his own life, but not with Andrew’s. He knew what he had to do. But even thinking about it made it feel like someone was ripping open his rib cage and tearing his guts from his body. Andrew had become a part of him over the last four years, lodged deep inside and entwined in every facet of his life. Removing Andrew from his life would be worse than losing a limb. It would be like carving out a piece of his own soul. 

“You know what you have to do.” 

“Do I?” he asked, an edge of desperation to his voice. “I mean there has to be a way to...” 

“There isn’t. You know there isn’t,” said Kevin. He didn’t look nearly as distraught as Neil felt but the sympathetic tone he’d taken was as plain as the concern written across his features. “You let him go or they will kill him.” 

Neil shuddered and dropped his head back to his hands, trying not to hyperventilate. 

“This can’t be happening...” he whispered. “Not when everything was....we finally....” 

“It isn’t fair, but you know how this works. Lord Moriyama doesn’t bluff. If he finds out you are still with Andrew, if he even thinks that your relationships are hindering his profits, he will eliminate any obstacle to get what he’s owed. You know this.” 

“Of course I fucking know, Kevin!” cried Neil, standing again to resume pacing, hands still fisted in his hair. 

“Then do what you have to. I know why you came here. You know what you need to do but you needed to hear someone else say it. Your relationship or Andrew’s life. Make your choice,” Kevin stood and grabbed Neil’s shoulder so they faced each other. 

Neil pushed him away if only to give him something to do to keep himself from screaming. He wanted to hit something. Someone. Go to the Moriyama headquarters and burn the entire building to the ground with everyone inside. The thought had crossed his mind. It certainly wasn’t a moral issue that was stopping him, but the knowledge that the FBI was still watching him. They contacted him once a year to ask for any ‘updates,’ just to remind him of his promise years earlier – to inform them if he remembered anything else about his fathers reign of terror. Neil supposed he could go to the FBI now, tell them about the Moriyamas. But he doubted he, nor Andrew, nor anyone he’d ever met would live long enough to watch that empire fall. 

Kevin stumbled back but didn’t advance again. Instead he watched Neil walk to the wall and kick a trashcan so hard it tipped over and rolled across the ground with a dent in the metal. Kevin hissed a reprimand and grabbed him by the bicep to drag him from the lounge before anyone came to investigate the noise. 

They made their way back towards the hotel in silence, Kevin only speaking when they were a block away from their destination. 

“You should talk to Wymack. There’s nothing he can do to help, but maybe he’ll know a good way to...” 

“To what?” barked Neil. “To tell Andrew we can’t ever see each other again because the Yakuza say so?” 

Kevin shrugged noncommittally and they turned the corner. Neil grabbed his arm, pushing him into an empty alleyway. 

“No one can ever know about this Kevin. Not Wymack, not Andrew, not Thea. You know as well as I do that if Andrew finds out about this he’ll go after Ichirou and it will only get him killed,” said Neil, keeping his voice low even though they were alone. 

Kevin looked like he wanted to argue but knew better. He knew Neil was right. Andrew respected the deal Neil had made all those years ago but there was no way he would roll over and let the Moriyamas interfere in his own life. And while Neil believed in Andrews penchant for destruction, he knew this was a battle he couldn’t win. The Moriyamas were too numerous and too powerful for Andrew to take on by himself. 

“Fine,” said Kevin, yanking out of Neil's grip. “What are you going to tell him then?” 

Neil looked down and shoved his hands in his pockets. He and Andrew had both given up cigarettes Andrew’s last year at PSU but his fingers were itching for one now. “I don’t know. I’ll think of something.” 

“You really think he is just going to let you walk away from him after four years? He’s going to be furious,” said Kevin. 

“He won’t have a choice,” said Neil. “It's better he hates me than dies at the end of a Moriyama bullet.” 

* 

“Where the fuck have you been? I’ve been calling you for two weeks and no one has heard from you. Wymack said you left campus on the 9th. Are you in Florida?” 

Neil held the phone to his chest for a few seconds, counted to ten, let out a shaky exhale. 

“Neil.” 

“I’m here. Yea, I’m in Tallahassee,” he forced his voice into a dispassionate monotone even though his insides were screaming. “Look, practice was long and I’m exhausted so I can’t really talk.” 

“ _ Neil _ .” 

“I have to go. Goodbye Andrew.” 

He could hear Andrew’s curse in German before he hung up and gripped the phone so tight he thought he might break it. If he hadn’t been in the parking lot outside of their practice court with his teammates still milling about, Neil was sure he would have had a panic attack. 

It had been two weeks since Ichirou’s lackey had visited. Two weeks since his world had come crashing down around him. He felt like he’d been sleep walking, saying goodbye to his teammates, leaving Palmetto and settling in his new place in Florida. Wymack seemed to notice something was off but figured it was just Neil’s anxiety over having to leave the Foxhole Court. And it was, really. He would have to leave his home behind, leave Andrew behind. He felt like he was running again and it was suffocating. He’d been in Florida for two weeks and still hadn’t learned the names of his teammates, hadn’t bought furniture for his apartment; sleeping on an airbed and using an extra blanket for a pillow. He’d been avoiding calls from his old teammates; from his family. He’d taken one of Matt’s calls long enough to give him his new address and promised to call when he got settled. Kevin had sent a few texts, asking ‘Is it done?’ that Neil ignored outright. 

Ultimately, he’d decided to just fade out of existence in Andrew’s world. He knew ‘breaking up’ outright would raise too much suspicion. If you could even ‘break up’ with someone who you’d never really ‘dated’. No, it was better to just withdraw to the point that Andrew found his behavior too infuriating to put up with anymore. Andrew had told him countless times in their first few years together that he would eventually get tired of Neil. The more he repeated the words the less Neil believed him. Now he could only hope that would be true. That Andrew would forget about him. The thought that Andrew might never move on cut him to the bone, but imaging him alone was better than imagining him dead. 

Over the next few weeks he ignored Andrew’s calls and texts. The few he did answer he kept brief and acted as disinterested as possible, making sure to keep the calls short enough that if the Moriyamas were keeping tabs they wouldn’t suspect anything from a twenty second call. Andrew had asked what was going on more than once and Neil had dodged the question with practiced ease. And every time he hung up on Andrew a little piece of him died. He never thought he had much of a soul in the first place but now it felt as if it was leaving his body in pieces, leaving him hollow and defeated. A husk of the person he’d worked so hard to build over the last five years. 

In August, three days before his first game, Neil left the court with his gym bag in hand. He planned to head back to his apartment, eat another frozen, tasteless meal that would have his dietitian scolding him, and collapse on his couch with a bottle of whisky until he passed out. He’d acquired a taste for the beverage in the past few months and often when he couldn’t keep his thoughts from waging a war in his mind, it was the only way he slept. 

Keys jangled in his pocket when he stuffed a hand in to fish them out, and when he looked up again the sight in front of him made him stop in his tracks. Andrew was leaning on the hood of his car, blond hair whipping around his forehead in the balmy Florida breeze. He blinked a few times to make sure it wasn’t a mirage. It wouldn’t be the first time his subconscious had played tricks on him, sending him images of Andrew laying next to him on his bed or standing in the goal at the end of the court. Neil rubbed a hand over his eyes but Andrew was still there. 

“Staring,” he said calmly. 

Neil’s heart lodged in his throat. Hearing those words was like a knife to the gut. They hadn’t seen each other in months, Andrew’s last visit had been the Foxes last semi-final match against Penn State back in March before they were booted out of the finals. Had the circumstances been different Neil would have already crossed the distance between them, snatched Andrew by the hand and pulled him into the car to do things that would probably get them arrested if they were caught. Neil had never wanted something so badly and to have it dangled in front of him hurt more than he ever imagined. 

“I....what are you doing here?” he choked out. 

“Skydiving,” said Andrew, pushing away from the car to stand up straight. “What do you think? I’m here for answers.” 

He was clearly irritated. His hands were jammed in the front pockets of his dark jeans and his face was slightly flushed with heat from waiting outside in the sun. His armbands were present and there was a tense set to his shoulders. Neil briefly wondered if this was the first time Andrew had ever gotten on a plane alone. Back in March, Aaron had accompanied him to their semi-final match. 

Neil gripped the keys in his pocket like a lifeline. He found the key to the Columbia house. He hadn’t been in years, they’d opted to rent it out after the twins and Nicky had graduated, knowing Neil wouldn’t go on his own. But Neil still had the key. Next his fingers found another key, this one to Andrew’s apartment in Illinois. He traced the ridges and tried not to shatter right there in the parking lot. Neil yanked the keys out and unlocked his car, ignoring the feel of the key to the Maserati in his palm. 

“I can’t help you with that,” said Neil, finally, moving towards the car. 

Andrew turned and got in the passenger seat. His body turned sideways in the seat to face Neil while he started the engine and steeled himself for the incoming interrogation. He just hoped no one had spotted them in the car together. 

“You  _ will t _ alk to me,” Andrew demanded, the casual tone of his voice shifting towards irritation. 

“I have nothing to say to you, Andrew. You need to go. I have early practice tomorrow.” 

Andrew reached out to grip one hand around Neil’s wrist and Neil yanked his arm away from the steering wheel and from Andrew. 

“Don’t touch me,” Neil spat, his anger genuine but the words were something he never wanted to say Andrew. But he didn’t think he could keep his resolve with Andrew touching him. 

“ _ Neil _ . Tell me what’s going on,” Andrew withdrew his hand but his hazel eyes remained intent. 

Neil took a deep breath and reached up again to grip the leather wrapped wheel. He had to do it now. He had to let Andrew go. To make him go. It was the only way to keep him safe. 

_ I won’t let him die because of me.... _

“Jesus, Andrew, I said nothing, alright? I just can’t do this anymore. ‘ _ This’ _ ,” he said, gesturing between the two of them, “isn’t going to work. It almost cost me my career. So, it’s over, alright? I thought you’d take the hint.” 

Neil looked at him then, eyes blazing and shaking with fury. Fury at himself and the Moriyamas and Andrew for making this so much harder. For wanting something he couldn’t have. He and Andrew had never defined their relationship, never shared heartfelt confessions or whispered ‘I love yous’. But what they had was real. They both knew it. They both felt ‘forever’. And Neil would have given up everything to be with him. Would have given up Exy in a heartbeat. But he couldn’t. Because now both of their lives depended on it. And their lives depended on being apart. 

For a brief moment Andrew’s expression flickered with something close to hurt before he smoothed it over once more. He searched Neil’s face for a lie, and while he didn’t seem convinced Neil made sure he didn’t look away. Didn’t give in. 

“If you are worried about your contract then Renee can...” 

“Renee isn’t a miracle worker!” shouted Neil. “And she can’t change the court of public opinion. You know what people will say about us. It’s not going to work.” 

“Neil...” 

“I said no, Andrew.” 

Andrew glared at him for an endless minute and then dropped back against the door, shoulder’s tense with carefully veiled rage. 

When he spoke his voice was quiet and foreign and Neil had to look away. “So much for your ‘ _ always yes _ ’ bullshit.” 

Neil bit his tongue against his cheek and tried not to break. He gripped the steering wheel tight enough that his hands hurt with the pressure. He turned his attention forward, couldn’t bear to look him, not when Andrew was boring into him like he was trying to see him from the inside out. He heard movement and then the car door opened. Neil stiffened and Andrew turned to get out. 

“Goodbye Neil,” said Andrew, sounding more exhausted now than anything. 

Neil could still hear the ire in his voice but he sounded steady. And now Neil wondered if this would all just blow over for Andrew. If he would forget Neil in the days or weeks to come. He always teased Neil that he would get tired of him and even though it was Neil pushing him away, he still wondered if that was at least partly true. Andrew had nearly killed himself to hang on to Cass Spear all those years ago, nearly killed himself again to keep his family safe in the years after. But he seemed to give this up rather easily. Was it because he respected Neil’s decision or because it hadn’t been something worth fighting to keep after all? 

Neil watched as the blond made his way to a dark blue Toyota with rental tags. He peeled out of the parking lot, leaving behind only a smell of burned rubber and fading tail lights until they disappeared entirely. Neil started the car methodically and turned the radio up so loud his ear drums hurt. It wasn’t enough to drown out his thoughts but it was enough to distract him until he made it home at least. 

Another bottle of whisky, another round of counting. Nothing made it hurt any less but he couldn’t fall apart. Not now. He had a game in three days their lives still depended on Neil doing well. On being better. It was nice while it lasted...living instead of just surviving. Having someone he cared about and that cared about him in return. 

Another shot burned down his throat. 

But nothing good ever lasts. He should have known better. Should have listened to his mother. ‘ _ You have to keep running, Abram. If you stop, if you slow down, it’s over.’ _

He’d stopped. He’d slowed down. And now it was over. 


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All credit to Nora of course, I own nothing.
> 
> Visit me on tumblr if you have questions. [https://andthenthefirenationattacked.tumblr.com/]
> 
> Note: Canon compliant through the books and some of the extra content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Rating: T (Language/mentions of alcohol abuse)

“What are you guys doing here?” Neil tried to smile, tried to allow the small bit of happiness that fluttered in his chest to take over, but the gesture felt like it was ripping his face open. 

“What do you mean? It’s your first game kid, you think we would have missed that?!” said Dan, reaching over the railing to ruffle his sweat-damp hair. 

“But Matt has a game tomorrow,” he said. “Shouldn’t you guys be in Tennessee?” 

“Our flight leaves in four hours. Plenty of time to catch up on sleep before morning conditioning. So, what do you say? Late dinner and celebratory drinks on us?” asked Matt, his grin wide and pleased. 

“I...” 

“Nope. Not accepting no for an answer. We came all this way, you’re hanging out with us,” chimed Allison. 

The three Foxes had apparently met up that afternoon and bribed their way into the friends and family section for the Hellhounds as a surprise. Neil was grateful to see them, but his wounds from sending Andrew away were still too fresh and he didn’t know how he’d handle the subject if it came up. 

“I need to shower. How’d you guys get here?” 

“I have a rental. Meet you at the gate in twenty? You can take us to your favorite bar,” offered Allison. 

Neil nodded numbly and yanked the orange bandana from his head. “Alright. Meet you in twenty.” 

Once he’d showered, Neil flew from the locker rooms before any of his coaches or teammates could catch him for any post-game discussions. Dan, Matt and Allison were waiting at the west stadium gates and it didn’t take long for Matt to pull him into a bruising hug as soon as he was within arm's reach. Neil returned the gesture weakly and gave Dan and Allison half-arm hugs in return. 

They ended up at a small bar around the corner from Neil’s apartment complex. It wasn’t exactly his ‘favorite’. He would have had to go out and try more than one place to have a favorite. But this one served food late into the night and was close enough to walk to so he’d been a few times. 

The trio drank and Neil let his former teammates carry the conversation. He chimed in occasionally since the chatter centered around Exy. Dan was the assistant coach for a NCAA class 2 team in Pennsylvania and Matt played for the Pittsburgh Pythons. Allison even regaled them with her tale of how she had, for a short time, dated two players on the Stamford Selkies, and how they ended up getting in a rather public brawl over her. She seemed proud of the accomplishment. 

“So, what about you man? We haven’t heard from you in ages,” said Matt. 

“Oh, I’m f.....I'm alright. Just settling in. It’s been pretty hectic, you know how it is,” Neil brought his glass to his lips and tried to pace himself. He wanted nothing more than to drown himself in booze until his brain short circuited but didn’t want to do it in public. 

Matt nodded and tipped back the rest of his beer. “You doing okay with your teammates? No one's giving you a hard time or anything are they?” 

Neil shook his head and managed a half smile. “No. Not yet, anyways. We’ve been pretty busy training. Not a lot of time to socialize so everything has been professional so far.” 

Allison shoved two manicured fingers into his shoulder. “Well busy or not, you need to stop ghosting us. We thought you fell off the face of the earth for a minute there, until we read your name in the lineup for tonight's game.” 

“Sorry,” he said apologetically. “I’ll try to keep in touch more.” 

“You better. Don’t make us hop a plane last minute again, coach was awful now that I’m used to Matt’s paychecks letting us fly first class,” laughed Dan. 

Matt leaned over and kissed Dan on the temple. “Sorry babe, but it’s good to visit the real world every now and again. Keeps us humble.” 

“Fuck that,” said Allison. “You guys worked your asses off to get where you are, live in the clouds with the rest of us like you deserve.” 

They clinked their glasses together and Neil joined them. The next hour passed easily and Neil switched to water. Exhaustion started to take over, too many sleepless nights coupled with a hard game finally catching up to him. 

“Neil?” asked Dan. 

“Sorry what?” 

“I just asked how Andrew was....we haven’t heard from him. Not that we expect to really. Thought he might make it to the game tonight since the Cardinals don’t play until next Saturday.” she said. 

Neil’s mouth went dry. 

“He couldn’t come.” A truth. 

“He’s fine.” A lie. Neil didn’t know how Andrew was really taking their current situation but it was unlikely that he was completely unaffected. 

Allison opened her mouth like she wanted to question him further but Dan’s watch beeped. 

“Oh, damn. We should get going.” 

Neil stood and hugged his former teammates again while Matt gathered their duffle bags from the floor. 

“Don’t be a stranger. Come see us when you can. And let us know when we can visit. We miss you kid,” said Dan. 

“I will. I miss you guys too.” 

A few minutes later and Dan and Matt were on the way to the airport. Allison had offered to drive them but they insisted on taking a cab. As Neil and Allison made their way down the street to their cars he turned to face the older Fox. 

“So...you leaving tonight too?” 

“Me? Are you kidding? I need my beauty sleep before I get on a plane again. I’m coming home with you,” she said matter-of-factly, leaning into him a little. 

“What,” he stopped walking. 

Allison flipped her hair over her shoulder and grinned. “Just for a night or two. I know you have the day off tomorrow so you can show me around.” 

“Allison I don’t....my place isn’t really set up for guests...” said Neil. 

“Ask me if I care Josten....” said Allison, getting into her car. She rolled the window down. “Meet you there? Matt gave me the address.” 

* 

And that’s how Neil found himself hovering at the door to his apartment with his pushy former teammate in tow. But he couldn’t stall forever. Allison was used to getting her way and as soon as he’d gotten the door opened, she’d breezed past him with her designer suitcase in tow. 

Her reaction was immediate and expected. “What the fuck, Neil? You’ve been here for three months and you haven’t even bought furniture?” 

“....There’s furniture right there,” he deadpanned, gesturing towards the center of the small living room. 

“A couch is not furniture, Neil,” Allison let go of her suitcase and spun a full 360 to take in her surroundings. 

The apartment was in a decent building but it was small with mediocre fixtures. One bedroom with a small living room that was open to the kitchen. The bathroom was slightly cramped and only had a shower, though it worked out fine for Neil. It met his needs. Allison crossed to the bedroom and flicked on the light to reveal a full-sized mattress laying directly on the floor and duffle bags full of clothes and a handful of his belongings lining the wall beside the bed. He had pillows now at least. 

“Are you living here or squatting?” she chastised. 

“Hey, you’re the one who invited yourself over,” he accused, moving to the kitchen to pull out a half-empty bottle and two glasses. 

“Yea, because I thought you were at least living like a person. This is pretty bleak, even for you. I know the Moriyamas are taking most of your dough but you can do better than this. If you can’t just say the word and I’ll have a decorator in here Monday morning...” Allison moved back towards the kitchen and crossed her arms over her chest. 

“I’m here to play Exy, not throw parties,” he said. “I have everything I need.” 

Allison took the glass he offered and then arched a delicately sculpted eyebrow at the three empty bottles of whisky that adorned the island counter-top. “Everything you need, huh?” 

“Don’t,” he warned tiredly, and moved over to the couch. 

Neil leaned down to move his laptop to the floor and then curled up on one end, tucking his feet underneath him. Allison followed and swallowed the contents of her drink before sliding into place at the other end. They faced each other and neither spoke for several minutes, only the sound of the wobbly ceiling fan breaking the silence. 

“Neil....what’s going on?” she asked, her voice softer this time, void of its usual haughtiness or teasing tone. 

“Nothing’s going on,” he said, finishing his own drink in a couple swallows but hanging onto the glass so he’d have something to do with his hands. 

“For someone raised to be a pathological liar, you were never very good at it you know,” she said. 

Neil sniffed a laugh. “Maybe I’m just out of practice.” 

Another tense silence stretched between them. 

“Neil. I’m worried. We all are. We haven’t heard from you in months. You’re living like a damn monk and your only hobby seems to be buying out all the top shelf whisky from the nearest liquor store. Not to mention you look like you haven’t slept in weeks and I can tell you’ve lost weight...” she breathed, but Neil cut her off. 

“Stop analyzing me, Allison. I told you I'm fine.” 

“How long have we known each other? I know what it means when you say that.” 

Neil took a deep breath. He counted to ten in every language he knew. Took another deep breath. They were going to find out eventually. He couldn’t hide it forever. Neil set his glass on the floor and clasped his hands together in his lap, eyes locked on his own fingers. 

“Andrew and I. We......” 

“You broke up,” she guessed quietly. 

After a moment he nodded once, head still cast downward. 

Allison didn’t express sympathy or ask what happened. Instead she fixed him with a hard look. “Do I need to kick his ass?” 

Neil shook his head mechanically. “It was my decision.” 

“Are you alright? What do you need?” she asked, voice low and serious. 

His head felt puffy, cotton-stuffed and hazy. His vision blurred and his body suddenly felt very heavy. 

_I need Andrew_ , he thought. 

His eyes were blurry and when he looked up to Allison she was out of focus. 

“It was never going to last...” 

Something wet splashed his cheek. 

“I was never going to get to keep it...” 

His own voice sounded foreign. A thin, broken thing, slurred and barely audible. It wasn’t until Allison reached out and brushed her thumb under his cheek that he realized he was crying. 

The touch was a trigger and he couldn’t hold back the tide anymore. The dam collapsed and he couldn’t stop himself from feeling the weight of his loss. He broke. 

Neil couldn’t remember the last time he had truly cried, if ever. He could remember tears leaking from his eyes over the years from painful injuries or when he was being tortured by Riko or Lola. But this was something else. An animalistic sob ripped from his chest and threated to tear open his throat. His body ached as if he’d been trampled by a stampede of wild animals and he couldn’t breathe. Tears rolled down his cheeks and soaked his sweatpants, soaked Allison’s blouse when she leaned forward and pulled him into a sturdy embrace. Allowing himself the comfort of touch only seemed to hurt more but he was too weak to push her away. Instead he pressed his forehead against her shoulder and great shuddering sobs wracked his body. She rubbed soothing circles across his back but he barely felt it. Could only feel pain and underneath, a terrifying numbness. He was dying. That had to be the only explanation. Nothing he’d ever endured had hurt this much. 

Neil’s hands found his way to her arms and squeezed her elbows so tight he was sure he’d leave bruises. An apology sat on the tip of his tongue but he couldn’t get a breath in long enough to say the words. Eventually Allison pulled back enough to look him in the eye and one hand latched onto his chin with an iron grip. 

“Neil, can you hear me?” 

His lungs burned and his eyes burned, everything burned. 

“Neil you’re having a panic attack, I need you to breathe...” 

His heart was racing in his chest and he wondered how fast it would get before it finally gave out. Was this how it was going to end for him? In a shitty apartment thousands of miles away from the people he cared about? 

Allison gave him a little shake and snatched one of his hands from her elbow and pressed it to her chest. “Neil...I need you to breathe with me okay....in.......out.....” 

It took several tries but he was eventually able to suck in a breath and tried to focus on the rise and fall of Allison’s chest. He took another breath and slid his hand upwards to rest on her throat, his thumb finding her pulse point. It was something Andrew did to him whenever he was feeling overwhelmed or needed to make sure Neil was there, alive and well. Andrew.... 

“I’m......I’m sorry....” he ground out, hunching forward again now that he’d caught his breath. 

“Shut up. Don't apologize,” said Allison, her left hand running across his cotton clad back. 

Neil finally calmed down enough that his breathing returned to normal and he slumped against the back of the couch. Allison left momentarily to fill a glass with water and he gulped it down without argument. When he was finished, she took the glass and set that one on the floor too, leaning against the couch beside him. 

“When did it happen?” she asked quietly, still studying him. 

Neil stared up at the white ceiling but could see her from the corner of his eye. Could see the worry set between her brows and the small frown on her strikingly red lips. He was eternally grateful she didn’t seem to want any other details. 

“It’s been coming for a while,” he said finally. “But just a few days ago, really.” 

“You miss him,” she surmised. 

Neil fisted the fabric of his pants and sniffed hard. “Every second.” 

Allison shifted beside him and reached down to take one of his hands in hers. “Seth and I.....we....well I know we weren’t together as long. What you and Andrew had was....what I mean is...it takes time. You’ll always miss him, but you’ll move forward. Because you don’t have a choice.” 

The hand in his squeezed and Neil returned the gesture weakly, dropping his head to look at her through reddened eyes. “You don’t have to downplay what you had with Seth. I know you loved him. He was an asshole, but you’re allowed to miss him...” 

She nudged him with her shoulder, hands still locked together. “Then take your own advice then, will you? Because I know you loved him. He’s an asshole, but you’re allowed to miss him.” 

Neil gave her a small smile and turned his attention back to the ceiling feeling utterly drained. He did love Andrew. He had for years. They had never said as much to each other, but he liked to think they didn’t have to. He hoped Andrew knew. He regretted now, not ever saying it, even if he knew Andrew would just roll his eyes or hit him with another percentage.

Allison stood up and pulled Neil with her. “Come on, let's go to bed.” 

He took his time brushing his teeth and let himself be pulled into his bedroom. Allison dressed in a matching pajama set and settled down on the mattress next to him. It had taken more than a year of sleeping with Andrew for the both of them to be able to wake up beside each other without either jolting awake or landing a well-placed blow to the other's shoulder or head. But they were finally able to fall asleep touching, often with Andrew curled around Neil since he liked to steal Neil’s warmth in the night. For their last year at PSU together they’d shared Neil’s bottom bunk almost the entire year. It had been a sore point with Aaron, who always grumbled about it, and an irritating point with Nicky, who thought it was the ‘sweetest thing ever’. But it didn’t matter. They were most comfortable when they were together. It had taken Neil a lot of sleepless nights his fifth year to get used to sleeping alone again. The last time he’d slept in a bed with Andrew was five months ago when Andrew had come to visit over spring break. They’d rented a room at a small hotel in the middle of nowhere despite the news and rumors going around about them. Having Allison share his bed now was a kick in the guts as much as it was a comfort. The familiar weight of someone next to him was nice, but it only made him miss Andrew...like everything seemed to do now. 

“I can hear you worrying from over hear,” said Allison, flicking him in the forehead. “Just go to sleep....we’ll figure this out tomorrow.” 

“You’re staying?” he asked quietly. 

When his three former Foxes showed up at his game the last thing he wanted was to deal with them, to explain what was going on. But now he just didn’t want to be alone. 

“For as long as you need me to,” she said, ruffling his hair for a moment before withdrawing again. 

Neil nodded in the dark and closed his eyes. 

He knew he wasn’t alone. He had his friends...his Fox family....Wymack and Abby. His last thought before darkness took him was that he only hoped Andrew wasn’t alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know Nora mentioned that Neil nor Andrew ever cry (for the most part), which I find believable. But I think if there was a situation in which he did just lose it, this would be it. So sorry about that. 
> 
> Next chapter will be from Andrew's POV.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Rating: M (Language/Cutting/Self Harm)
> 
> This chapter is from Andrew's POV. Hopefully he doesn't seem too OOC. I figured it's been five years so I like to think he's mellowed out a tiny bit. I also like to think Aaron has thawed a little towards Erik.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All credit to Nora of course, I own nothing.
> 
> Visit me on tumblr if you have questions. [https://andthenthefirenationattacked.tumblr.com/]
> 
> Note: Canon compliant through the books and some of the extra content.

Andrew woke on November 23 rd with a mild headache and a scowl on his face. There was no practice for two more days since they had off for the Thanksgiving holidays this year and he hoped to spend the day doing absolutely nothing. Instead someone was pounding at his door at eight am on a Saturday, dragging him from the warmth of his bed. 

He opened the door ready to throttle the persistent asshole but instead just slammed it again. 

“Oh, come ON! I haven’t seen you in a YEAR and this is how you’re gonna act?!” came the muffled voice. 

Andrew stood on the other side of the door with his arms crossed, finger tapping impatiently on his bicep while he glared at the white veneer, as if he could  _ will  _ Nicky to leave. 

“Andrew Joseph Minyard you open this door or I will start making some very embarrassing noises to wake your neighbors!” shouted Nicky. 

He stared dully for a few more seconds before opening the door again. Nicky breezed past him immediately as if he knew Andrew would shut it in his face again if he didn’t move quickly enough. 

“Thank fuck. It’s freezing out there. For all the money you make I'd think you would find a building with heated corridors...” said the taller man, stalking immediately over to the far wall and pressing a button to make the floor to ceiling curtains retract. 

Sunlight streamed in through the penthouse and Andrew nearly hissed at the intrusion. He usually preferred the softer lamplight to the blinding light of wall to wall windows, even though they were tinted. 

“God it’s like a dungeon in here...no wonder you’re so pale. Not to mention I'm sure you’re bundled up all the time because this city is cold as shit. Really what possessed you to sign a contract with...” 

It was too early for this. It could be ten and night and it would still be too early for this. 

“What do you want, Nicky?” asked Andrew, eyes slanting towards his cousin. 

“Oh, now you want to talk? Even though you have ignored my phone calls for the last THREE MONTHS....” Nicky said flippantly. He paused at the coffee maker, hand hovering over a bag of grounds. “ _ I _ don’t want anything. It’s November 23 rd ...” 

He said it so definitively, like it should mean something, but Andrew only stared at him from the living room. 

Nicky pressed the button and moved around the granite island to face Andrew. “Don’t tell me....oh my god. Andrew...did you seriously forget?!” 

Andrew never forgot anything. A curse he would never overcome. 

“Aaron’s wedding is today!” shrieked Nicky. “How could you forget that?!” 

Maybe he just repressed it. 

“So,” said Andrew, as if that was the end of the conversation. 

Nicky dropped his head back on his shoulders and closed his eyes, as if trying to find the strength to deal with his difficult cousin. It was a gesture Andrew had seen many times in the years since Nicky had taken over their guardianship as teens. 

“You promised you’d go,” said Nicky. 

Andrew blinked lazily and padded through to the kitchen, pulling a few pieces of bread from the bag and popping them in the toaster, muttering, “That doesn’t sound like something I would do.” 

By the time the toast popped up Nicky thrust his phone in his cousins face and Andrew leaned backwards so he was far enough away for his eyes to focus on the small text. 

**[Nicky]** You’re going. 

**[Andrew]** No. 

**[Nicky]** Yes, you are. You have to. 

**[Andrew]** Stop texting me. 

**[Nicky]** I won’t, not until you agree. 

**[Andrew]** I will change my number. 

**[Nicky]** I’ll fly to Chicago. Don’t think I won’t. I’m making decent money now. 

**[Nicky]** Andrew. 

**[Nicky]** Andrew. 

**[Nicky]** ANDREW. 

**[Andrew]** Stop. 

**[Nicky]** Just promise me you’ll go! 

**[Andrew]** If I do will you leave me alone? 

**[Nicky]** Cross my heart. 

**[Andrew]** Fine. 

Andrew inhaled slowly and tried to keep his temper in check. He remembered the conversation. Ultimately it had been Neil’s comment that he would like to see his old teammates that convinced him they would go and not Nicky’s persistence. But that had taken place months ago. Before.... 

“That’s today?” he asked mildly, spreading a generous portion of butter and jam on the toast. 

“Yes, it’s today! Jesus...you’re lucky I showed up. I swear you’re impossible. I assumed at least Neil would keep you on track. Should have known better, he’s just as hopeless as you are...where is he, anyways?” said Nicky, looking around, as if the striker would emerge from the bedroom any moment. 

“Not here. What time and where?” he asked, hoping that his feigned interest would help change the subject. 

“We’ve got a few hours. I left Erik with Aaron. Told him to make sure he gets his haircut so he doesn’t look like a disaster for his own wedding. At least you don’t look like too much of a mess. Please tell me you at least have a decent suit? All those fancy Exy events... you’ve got to have something...” Nicky didn’t wait for an answer, instead disappearing into Andrew’s room. 

He could hear his cousin rummaging through his closet, clothes rustling on hangers, Nicky chattering away about something nonsensical as he looked. Occasionally he would hear snippets of the rambling,  _ ‘Is Neil meeting everyone there? Matt said he had a training camp last week but I assumed he would be here already…Oh maybe this! No...this one’s too close to Aarons…’  _ Andrew tore his toast into bite sized pieces and poured a cup of coffee. While he ate, he recited the first chapter of Moby Dick in his head. It was a grounding technique Bee taught him years ago that worked remarkably well due to his eidetic memory. It was boring and helped remove his mind from whatever else was going on that caused him anxiety. He was just describing the city of Manhattoes when Nicky called his name. Andrew licked the remaining jam from his fingers and reluctantly answered his cousins call. 

“This will work,” he said, hanging a black suit over the back of the door, along with a sage colored button up and dark green tie. “I need to get back to the hotel but Erik and I will swing by at noon to pick you up. And make sure you shave, I’m sure Neil won’t appreciate the beard burn when you see him...ha...” 

Nicky chuckled at his own joke but ultimately bid Andrew farewell after another reminder to be ready on time. 

Andrew had no intention of riding with anyone. He would go because he kept his word, but there was no way in hell he was getting stuck somewhere without a means to bail as soon as possible. He texted Nicky an hour later to ask for the address to say he’d meet them there. 

There were many times in his life that Andrew cursed his own fucked up code of honor and now was definitely one of them. Off all the places his twin could have ended up it had to be here, in Chicago. He and the cheerleader were in medical school nearby and decided to get married before things got too hectic, especially in case they got separated during their residencies – according to Nicky. The twins had been in the same city for a year and a half but only met up twice to grab a drink at local bar Aaron frequented. And that was fine with Andrew. Their relationship, if that’s what you could call it, had somewhat stabilized after Aarons trial but they would never be close. He would kill for Aaron or take a bullet for the man, but that didn’t mean he wanted to spend time with him. 

Andrew took his time shaving. He had very little body hair; a small patch trailing from his navel and under his arms, sparse white hairs on his arms and legs. It had taken more than a week for the stubble on his face to be noticeable. He tried to push Nicky’s comment out of his head as he dragged the razor across his jaw. Tried to think about how he would make it through the day because whether or not Neil showed up, he knew some of their old teammates would likely be there and that the situation would become bothersome.

When he finished shaving Andrew took a moment to examine himself in the mirror. His hair was freshly trimmed and looked presentable he supposed. But Nicky was right, his skin was paler than usual, dull, and it made the dark circles under his eyes stand out even more. 

It had been three months since Neil had sent him on his way without so much as a parting glance. It had been longer since they’d been together. In moments of weakness he would lose himself in his memories. Back when things somehow made sense for the first time in his life. Back when his home was a boy with auburn hair and a scarred face and a smart mouth. A part of him knew it wouldn’t last forever. Nothing good ever did. Though he’d been a little surprised that Neil had been the first to walk away. He always assumed he would tire of the idiot, want to be rid of his moronic antics and his stupid smile and his easy ‘yes’ muttered from foolish lips. In the first few weeks when he’d returned from Florida, Andrew had spent a great deal of time internally scolding himself for letting Neil get so close in the first place. For dropping his guard and letting someone in again. Allowing himself to  _ feel _ . For breaking his own rules. 

None of that mattered now. It was in the past. He told himself he didn’t regret his....whatever, with Neil. But that chapter in his life was over and Andrew refused to let it hurt him. He slapped water over his face and went back to the aging novel in his head.  _ Take almost any path you please, and ten to one it carries you down in a dale, and leaves you there by a pool in the stream. There is magic in it.... _

* 

The hotel was bustling with life as regular patrons and members of the wedding party milled about. Andrew sat at the hotel bar with his twin while they both nursed expensive glasses of scotch. 

There was still almost an hour to kill before the ceremony and Andrew at least applauded his brother on the locale; not going for a traditional church but instead renting out a conference room in an upscale hotel with a fully stocked bar. The reception would be in the next room over and Andrew had watched them bring an absurdly large cake inside when he arrived. He didn’t plan to stay, but maybe he could hang around long enough to steal a few pieces. 

Nicky and Erik were fawning over each other at the other end of the bar and had left the twins alone so far, likely due to Andrew’s blatant allusion that he did, in fact, still carry knives on him. For a moment he thought the day would pass completely uneventfully. And then he heard it. The familiar voices of meddlesome Foxes. He was sure that foxes didn’t travel in packs, but here they were, most of his old team along with his former coach and the team nurse. When Andrew turned his head slightly he could see them, approaching the bar from the right and dressed to the nines. They didn’t seem to have spotted the rest of them yet. He thought about making an escape but that would entail getting past Nicky at the other end of the bar and that wasn’t likely. 

Aaron seemed more interested in his drink than his former teammates and tried to make himself as small as possible on the barstool, like he could somehow shrink out of existence so they wouldn’t notice him. A few seconds later that proved to be impossible. 

“Aaron! Andrew!” said Renee, pressing forward. 

Her exclamation alerted her companions to the presence of their other teammates and they surged forward with intent. From behind him, Nicky shrieked in delight and sprinted the short distance between them to pull Dan into a hug. 

Aaron sighed in resignation and pushed himself away from the bar, moving to greet his guests. Andrew nodded once in their direction, lifting his glass to acknowledge their presence. He considered that a more polite gesture than leaving immediately. Anyone who claimed he hadn’t made progress over the last few years could kiss his pale ass. 

While the group continued their discussion and congratulated Aaron, Renee broke away from the pack and slid onto the stool next to Andrew. She ordered a cherry cola and smiled sweetly, fiddling with the cross beneath the collar of her shirt. She was wearing a black suit with a white dress shirt and her hair was longer than Andrew had ever seen it, brushing the tops of her shoulders. Dark roots gave way to white blonde tresses that were no longer streaked with pastels. 

“It’s good to see you Andrew, you look well,” she said. 

Andrew wondered if white lies were acceptable within the parameters of her new found faith since he knew he looked exhausted. Between long practices, frequent nightmares and generalized anxiety he was averaging three to four hours of sleep a night and the bags under his eyes proved it. The new haircut, courtesy of the teams stylist, and a well-tailored suit could only do him so many favors. 

“I am sure Aaron appreciates you being here,” he said in return. 

If Renee caught the sarcasm she didn’t say anything, only kept smiling and stirred around the cherries in her mocktail. 

The group had moved closer to the bar and Wymack ordered drinks for himself and Abby. 

“Kevin’s running late,” supplied their coach. “Flight from Houston was delayed, but he should make the reception.” 

“And Allison’s not coming right? Off in Paris or something at some fancy fashion show?” asked Nicky. 

“Yea...she said she sent a nice gift though,” offered Dan. 

“ _ Betty _ and  _ Roger  _ said we have to send thank you cards for  _ every _ gift. Who the fuck does that? I didn’t ask anyone to buy me shit,” said Aaron, brandishing his glass a little too enthusiastically. Nicky snatched it from him before he could get any on his tux. 

“Um...yes, you do have to do that,” said Nicky, putting his hands on his cousins shoulders for emphasis. “It’s common courtesy. Also, you did ask for shit...I saw the registry and everything.” 

Aaron shrugged him off. “Katelyn's parents made us do that. She said we can just return everything and save for a vacation instead.” 

“Smart girl,” said Wymack. “Way too smart for your dumbass.” 

Abby slapped his arm. “What did I say about insulting people on their wedding day?” 

“Relax woman, he needs to loosen up. From what I’ve heard about his in-laws I’m surprised he’s not in the tank already,” Wymack knocked back his glass and ordered another. 

Aaron didn’t seem ruffled by the comment but didn’t have time to be annoyed anyways because Matt was making a show of looking over the top of everyone, searching with squinted eyes and a hand flattened over his brow. 

“Hey...so where’s Neil?” asked the backliner. 

“Oh! That’s right,” said Nicky, as if he’d forgotten something very important until now. “Andrew? Where is your equally problematic other half? Is he running late too?” 

Andrew turned back towards the bar and ignored him.  _ There stand his trees, each with a hollow trunk, as if a hermit and a crucifix were within; and here sleeps his meadow, and there sleep his cattle; and up from yonder cottage goes a sleepy smoke... _

“Yea, where _ is _ Neil?” asked Dan, staring a hole in the back of Andrew’s head. 

Renee didn’t press him for answers but she was gazing at him intently. 

“Andrew....they asked you a question,” said Wymack. “Where is Neil?” 

One deep breath, two and then three. Andrew picked up his glass and swirled the amber liquid around the crystal container. “Sounds like a good question for Neil.” 

It only took two more gulps to finish the remainder of his drink and he tried, unsuccessfully, to tune out the conversation as he got up from the bar. 

“What do you mean?” asked Nicky, still a few feet away but his voice getting higher pitched by the second. “Is he not coming? Aaron...you did  _ invite _ Neil, right?” 

“Why would I do that?” scoffed Aaron. “Invitations were all plus one, if Josten wanted to be here he would have come with Andrew. Stop looking at me like that, jesus.” 

“Oh my god, I cannot believe you... Andrew, you did tell him, right? ...Andrew!” Nicky called, but Andrew pretended to be out of hearing range. 

He turned the corner and paused, one hand reaching out to the wall for support. 

“Someone call him right now. I can’t believe Andrew didn’t invite him! This is a disaster!” said Nicky. 

There was a sound of a hand slapping clothed skin and then Wymacks voice. “Calm the fuck down Hemmick. Aaron, why don’t you go get ready, this thing is about to start soon, right?” 

Andrew didn’t stick around to hear the rest, instead digging the flask from the inner pocket of his jacket and sitting in one of the seats towards the back of the room where the ceremony was set up. He should just leave now. He knew his former teammates were unlikely to let the topic go anytime soon. After the ceremony, he decided. Sending an absurdly expensive gift the next week seemed more appealing than suffering through a reception where he would likely have to sit in close quarters with his old team and be interrogated about.... 

After the ceremony. He would leave. The cake be damned. 

* 

Andrew managed to slip out of the room unnoticed right after the ‘I do’s. His condolences to the bride and the groom. How anyone would enjoy sitting through such a boring display of heteronormativity he would never understand. 

He was just rounding the bar towards the front entrance when a familiar voice called his name. 

“Andrew.” 

_ Fuck.  _

He just wanted to leave. To go home and fade from reality for a while, or maybe go to the gym and lift heavy things until his muscles screamed in protest. Why was luck never on his side? If Andrew believed in such things, he would count Kevin Days appearance as a walking example of his bad karma. 

“Kevin,” said Andrew, turning to face the taller man, car keys spinning in his hand. 

“You’re leaving?” asked Kevin, eyeing his keys. 

“I came for the wedding. The wedding is over,” he said simply. 

“Is everyone else here?” he asked, looking past Andrew towards the hotels conference facilities. 

“Almost. Best run along,” came Andrew’s bored tone, and he made to move around the striker. 

Kevin blocked his path. “Is Neil here?” 

Andrew tilted his head to the side and scrutinized Kevin. He knew that look. It was one he’d often seen in the first few years he’d known Kevin. A look that suggested he knew something he wasn’t saying. 

“You know,” surmised Andrew. He flicked the keys around and caught them in his palm, snatching his hand down to his side and making a fist. “Strange. The others didn’t.” 

Kevin shifted uncomfortably and immediately looked like he regretted saying anything. He shrugged and Andrew took a step closer, crowding his space. He could see Kevin wrestling with himself to stand his ground. Torn between his need to know more and fleeing potential harm should he say the wrong thing. 

“Do you want to tell me  _ why  _ you know when he didn’t see fit to tell his best of friends? What did he say to you?” Andrew’s mouth twitched and he tightened his hand around his keys to keep from pulling out his knives. 

Neil and Kevin had been friends, and grown closer the more time they spent together at PSU. But even in Kevin’s final year they bickered frequently and Neil often retreated from Kevin’s demanding presence, instead opting to spend time with Matt or Nicky. He also knew Neil kept in contact with the girls and Wymack. At least he used to. So, for Kevin to know some intricate detail of the younger strikers life that his other family did not....something wasn’t right. 

“He just told me, that’s all,” said Kevin, eyes darting for an escape route. 

“That’s all?” asked Andrew skeptically, looking up at him with cold eyes and tense shoulders. 

“Kevin!” 

It seemed the wedding crowd had finally been released from the ceremony. Andrew could hear Nicky making their way towards them and gave Kevin one final glare before pushing past him. 

The goalkeeper left the building before anyone else could stop him. Because in the end it was best to let his well-practiced apathy take hold. To tell himself for the thousandth time that he didn’t care. After all, it didn’t matter who Neil had spoken with and what he’d told them. Because that wasn’t any of Andrews business. He was no longer a part of Neil’s life and didn’t need to concern himself with who or what or why. The only person he needed to be concerned with was himself. It was just too bad he didn’t much enjoy his own company either. When left to his own devices, with only his thoughts and infuriating emotions boiling in his mind, he often felt like he was going insane. 

Andrew would never admit that he built his life around Neil. Never admit that without him he would have likely given up on Exy and life in general a long time ago. Complacent enough to merely go through the motions of survival. He would never admit that with Neil around colors seemed more vivid and sounds seemed more soothing. That sometimes he even looked forward to a future where they might finally live in the same house, share the same team, maybe even make Court. Now that Neil was a memory, things seemed...duller...more dreamlike. Pointless, really. The path he’d once mapped out in his head was blurred and blocked by brambles and questions. Endless uninteresting options that didn’t appeal to him whatsoever. Should he keep playing Exy? Eventually he would play Neil’s team, see him at events his publicist kept trying to get him to attend. It also meant frequent run-ins with Kevin and Boyd which seemed equally wearisome. He could go to Germany. Try his hand at a new culture and pretend not to speak the language when he didn’t feel like talking to anyone. But Nicky didn’t need him, not really. And neither did Aaron. He was completely free to do as he pleased and yet nothing stood out. Once his current contract finished in May, he would easily have enough money to live off indefinitely as long as he didn’t splurge. He could move to a new country and start over. 

_ Start what? There is no point to any of this. Planning for a future I don’t care about is useless. _

Maybe he should call Bee tonight. What time was it in Spain? He was sure she wasn’t back yet. Andrew pulled his phone from his pocket as soon as he parked and thumbed through his few contacts. His digit hovered over her name but ultimately, he shoved the device back in his pants. 

He kept seeing the Foxes psychiatrist even after leaving Palmetto State. He knew their relationship was no longer typical of a doctor and a patient but she had encouraged him to call whenever he needed and they still skyped once a month. The topic of Neil had always been off-limits but Bee knew him well enough to know something was wrong. She’d been calling him at least once a week to check up on him even though he usually only muttered a few pleasantries and talked about mundane topics like the teams tour schedule or the latest mystery novel he was reading. 

By the time he’d tossed his keys on the counter and loosened his tie his phone buzzed with a text. 

_ ‘Andrew please call me when you can, it’s important. We need to talk.’  _

It was from Nicky. 

Andrew heaved a sigh and pulled down a new bottle of scotch from his cabinet. So, the Foxes knew. Good. Maybe they could hound Neil instead and would leave him alone. His stomach growled obnoxiously after the first sip of his drink but he ignored it. Scotch was made from corn so it was basically a vegetable. Maybe that’s why Neil had never taken a liking to it. 

_ Damnit. _

What would it take to stop thinking of that wrecking ball of a striker? 

He wanted to hurl his glass at the wall. The landlord had a fit the last time he put a hole in the plaster, even though he’d thrown an obscene amount of money at the man to have it repaired quickly. 

Instead he let the undertow pull him down. A brief reprisal from years of not giving in to the tug of darkness that always lurked in the shadows of his mind. He poured himself another shot, and another, and another. Until his mind stilled and soon the portrait of the man forever imprinted on the back of his eyelids was nothing more than an alcohol induced haze. Until the banging on his door and frantic shouts of his name were endless white noise. Until he found himself in the bathroom, his suit discarded in a rumpled mess on the floor and his hands plucked the box of razor refills from the medicine cabinet. Until he sat against the edge of the porcelain tub and dragged a blade across his bare arms and red beaded on pale, scarred skin. Shallow cuts, a numbing ache. Emotional pain turned physical, into something he could control and measure and count. He couldn’t change anything, but right now at least, he could forget. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, your comments give me life! I'm sorry I'm ripping your hearts out but I promise there is a pay off at the end. HANG IN THERE.


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Rating: T (Mentions of cutting)
> 
> Neil and Andrew's teams play each other in a death match and I make an attempt at an Exy match. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All credit to Nora of course, I own nothing.
> 
> Visit me on tumblr if you have questions. [https://andthenthefirenationattacked.tumblr.com/]
> 
> Note: Canon compliant through the books and some of the extra content.

They were already to halftime but Neil had no idea what the score was or who was winning. The voices of his teammates were like drones in his ears. He occasionally saw a flash of maroon and black cross his field of vision but his eyes had wandered the entire game. Andrew had played the first half and guarded the goal beautifully. As their time at PSU progressed, the goalkeeper had started to take the game more seriously and their last year together they had beat USC in the finals almost too easily thanks to Andrew’s efforts. And nothing had changed. Neil’s performance had suffered in the months following his separation from Andrew, but Andrew seemed to play with a vengeance, putting his whole body into the game. This was the first time they had played each other on opposite teams and Neil couldn’t look away. 

“JOSTEN!” 

Neil gave a start and shot off the bench, turning towards his team. 

“Get your head out of your ass and suit up, half-times almost over.” 

“Yes, coach.” 

When the buzzer rang Neil secured his helmet and followed the Hellhounds onto the court. It was a home game, a death match against the Cardinals. The outcome would determine which team would move on to the semi-finals. 

The Hellhounds were a mid-ranked team but they had done reasonably well this season, moving up to be ranked 10 th out of the 34 pro teams. Neil glanced up at the score for the first time that night. 11-7. It was unlikely the Hellhounds would pull ahead for the win but they were holding their own against the nations 4 th ranked team. 

When the second buzzer went off Neil immediately ducked past his backliner mark and went for the ball. He was equally disappointed and elated that Andrew had played the first half. As much as he wanted to score against him, wanted any acceptable interaction he could get, he felt for sure seeing Andrew in the goal would be more of a distraction than anything. With strangers on the field he could focus better, play harder. As long as he could keep his eyes away from the sidelines. 

He passed to Stevens and side stepped the Cardinals defensive dealer, catching the pass and running another five steps before passing back to Stevens who managed to clear the remaining Cardinals. His backliner mark checked him but he rolled out of it and was on his feet again immediately, just in time to catch the last pass before taking a shot on the goal. It lit up red and his team cheered behind him. 11-8. He knew they couldn’t win with half an hour to go, not the way the Cardinals were playing tonight, but they could at least put on a good show. 

Five minutes later Boswell was running for the away goal, ready to intercept Stevens before she could take a shot. Somehow he got tripped up on one of the backliners racquets and went sailing into Stevens. She took the shot, missed, and a fraction of a second later Boswell careened into the striker, who in turn went sailing into the Cardinals goalkeeper. The goalkeeper fell back, hard and the goal lit up red as his elbow smacked into the wall. It was clearly unintentional so no one was fouled and play continued for another five minutes until the goalkeeper signaled he couldn’t continue. 

Neil’s heart clenched desperately in his chest at the sight of Andrew marching through the court doors to relieve his injured teammate. The two exchanged a few words and then Andrew continued to the goal, bringing his heavy racquet up in a ready stance. He wondered why they weren’t bringing on a sub instead. Perhaps they didn’t want to take the chance of the Hellhounds closing the gap. Whatever the reason, Neil’s pulse drummed frantically in his veins as he took his spot back on the line. 

It took everything Neil had to focus on the game at hand. He did his best to pretend the man in the goal wasn’t Andrew. That it was another team and another player, someone unimportant, someone who was just an obstacle to overcome for the win. But he looked like Andrew, and moved like Andrew, and he  _ was _ Andrew and god Neil missed him so much it ached. 

Neil took a shot and Andrew blocked it with ease. He was too far away to read Andrew’s expression through the grid of his helmet but could tell by the bored way Andrew smacked the ball up the court that he wasn’t impressed with Neil’s efforts. 

Neil took two more shots on the goal and Andrew deflected them, but this time just by a hair. They had both spent too much time playing with each other, practicing together. They both knew how the other moved and it was almost a stalemate. Stevens did manage to score once and the Cardinals scored again bringing the score to 12-9. The game was coming down to the last five minutes and Neil grew more desperate. The Hellhounds pushed down court and Neil was clear to take another shot. He could see his backliner mark making his way towards him at an impossible speed and wouldn’t be able to take the shot in time. And now Andrew was moving out of the box because he knew it too. It wasn’t advisable for goalkeepers to leave the box but sometimes it was necessary. Andrew planned to snag the ball away the second the backliner checked Neil. But instead Neil popped the ball from his racquet. He just managed to side-step the backliner who overshot his mark and went sailing past them. It was a toss-up who would get to the ball first, Neil or Andrew. He was so focused on the blond that he didn’t see the Cardinals offensive dealer rounding him from behind. Neil reached out with his racquet, Andrew reached out with his gloved hand, but the dealers racquet swung from behind. It was going for the falling ball but instead clipped Andrew on the side of the head when he jumped for the catch. Neil saw the look of surprise on his face in the millisecond before the racquet connected with a loud ‘crack’, denting Andrew’s helmet. 

It knocked him out on impact and Andrew fell to the ground. Without consciousness to assist with catching his fall, he went down on his shoulder and it splayed awkwardly underneath him. 

“ANDREW!” 

Neil screamed and knew the others around him were calling out to their fallen teammate but Neil was there first. He ripped his gloves off, tossing them to the side as the teams crowded around him. The dealer who took the swing reached out as if to try and wake him up but Neil shoved him away. 

“Don’t fucking touch him!” he spat. “Don’t move him!” 

The man backed off and Neil was vaguely aware of his fellow striker, Sadie Stevens, pulling at his shoulder. 

“Neil....you need to move...you need to give them room....” 

Neil hovered for a moment, his hands framing Andrew’s face and eyes scraping over his limp body. He seemed to be breathing but it was hard to tell with all the gear on. “Andrew...” 

Less than a minute later paramedics were pushing through the circle of athletes and the referees were breaking them up, sending them back to the sidelines. 

Sadie dragged Neil back towards the inner court as chaos erupted in the stands. The announcers were saying something but Neil couldn’t make it out over the shouting. Once he was behind the court walls he pressed his hands against the plexiglass and watched. They carried Andrew off the court on a stretcher and disappeared down the hall on the away side. Neil turned to run down the hall towards their own locker rooms. 

“Neil! We’re not done, we still have three minutes on the clock!” shouted Sadie. 

His coaches seemed too wrapped up in the chaos to notice him leaving. But it didn’t matter, he wasn’t coming back. He couldn’t. He needed to get to Andrew. Needed to know if.... 

He changed in record time without showering and drove the ten minutes to his apartment. He’d tried to follow the ambulance but it was gone by the time he made it to the parking lot. He needed to figure out where they’d taken Andrew. There were three hospitals nearby. Neil snatched his laptop from the couch and placed it on the kitchen island with a clatter. While he waited for the page to load, he stripped out of his clothes until he was in boxers. He was vaguely aware of his phone buzzing in his pants pocket on the floor. He didn’t need to look, he knew who it was. Most of the Foxes had surely seen the game since it was broadcast live on ESPN. 

When he did retrieve his phone it was to dial the first number in his search, then the second, then the third. No one had a record of Andrew Minyard being checked in. 

His first thought was to panic. Neil dug his fingers into the laminate surface and leaned forward, trying to resist the urge to vomit. This couldn’t be it. Andrew couldn’t die. Not like this. Unbidden, thoughts of a dead marine, showered in red with a racquet embedded in his eye socket crept to the forefront of his mind. 

_ No. Stop. Think. He was wearing a helmet. It’s only been fifteen minutes since they left the stadium. He probably just hasn’t been checked in yet.  _

Neil stalked over to the bathroom in his boxer briefs and took the worlds quickest shower. He also dug out a jar of temporary hair color and scrubbed it through his hair. He didn’t leave it in long enough for it to work properly so instead of coming out black it came out a dark, muddy brown. But it would have to do. He was sure his fingers and neck still held splotches of dye but it didn’t matter. He just needed a quick disguise if he was going to go to the hospital and not be immediately recognized. 

A few minutes later he was dressed and dabbing heavy concealer over his face while he pressed the re-dial button on speakerphone. After two more tries he got a hit. Andrew had been taken to Tallahassee Memorial. He was in the ER. Neil was out the door moments later, wearing an oversized hoodie and sweatpants. A pair of thick, black framed glasses he’d picked up at a convenience store a year prior obscured his face and dulled his blue eyes. 

_ This is stupid. If he isn’t already dead this could get him killed. Ichirou probably already saw that little display at the game. What if... _

_ It doesn’t matter. He won’t know. We won’t get caught. .....I have to know he’s okay. _

*****

Neil sat outside in the hallway for four days. He’d watched people come and go, Andrews coaches, a few teammates, Aaron, and earlier today - Renee. Somehow, he’d managed to stay out of sight. Once Andrew had been admitted and given a room, Neil had gotten past the red tape by claiming to be his brother. Once Aaron showed up the next afternoon that lie got a little harder to maintain. Luckily healthcare workers were overworked and underpaid and Neil had bribed a few nurses to keep their mouths shut and look the other way so he could visit. From his spot around the corner he did notice the look on Aaron’s face when the doctor mentioned his ‘other brother’ but the blond hadn’t said anything. He hadn’t seen Aaron since and his coaches and teammates hadn’t been by since the third day, likely back in Chicago by now. As much as he wanted to see her, he’d even avoided Renee. He wasn’t sure if any other Foxes would make an appearance, having turned his phone off as soon as he got to the hospital. The only person he’d bothered to contact was his coach, calling in sick for the next few days. 

According to one of the nurses Andrew had suffered swelling in the brain, along with a dislocated shoulder and a few bruised ribs. The shoulder would heal, but they’d placed him in a medically induced coma and attempted to control the swelling with drugs. They’d weened him off the medication once the swelling subsided but he still hadn’t woken up. They said it could take a little while and they were optimistic, but Neil still felt like someone had tied his insides into knots. 

It was after nine pm on the fourth night. Visiting hours were over for the day. Neil’s generous ‘tips’ meant the nurses looked the other way when he slipped into Andrew’s room at night and out before the doctors morning rounds. Once he finished washing up in the bathroom, Neil nodded to one of the nurses, Trisha, he thought her name was, and she gave him a small smile. He closed the door and moved to the seat at the far side of the room. It was dark, only pale-yellow light peeking around the edges of the blinds from the street lamp below. The steady beep of the heart monitor broke the silence and somehow it calmed Neil. It was tangible proof that Andrew was still alive. 

The chair made a quiet scraping sound as Neil pulled it up to the bed. He yawned heavily, exhausted even though he’d done nothing for the past four days. He’d managed a little sleep each night, but not enough to feel rested and would often jolt awake to nightmares or unusual sounds. 

Neil lowered the railing and slid his palms along the sheets. He wanted to touch, to feel Andrew’s pulse and warm skin beneath his fingers, but he didn’t dare. He didn’t have the right. Not anymore. For the first time his arms were exposed. The last few days he’d been covered up by the time Neil was able to get this close, but tonight his arms lay on top of the blankets. Neil blinked several times and leaned over farther to get a better look at the inside of Andrew’s right wrist. Something wasn’t right. 

It had taken time, but over their years spent together Andrew had learned to shed his armor in front of Neil. Neil knew every line, every freckle, ever scar on Andrew’s body. Observed and catalogued by reverent touches of fingers and lips and tongue. He knew exactly how many scars Andrew had on his arms, each line and the pattern they formed. But these were new. Some of these marks were red, fresher than the others, some even still had thin lines of scabbing and they were more numerous than the last time Neil had seen them. These were recent. 

_ No. _

His thought process stilled as he caught his hand, halfway towards Andrew’s arm and fingers splayed to caress the ruined skin there. He stopped himself a few inches away and dropped his hand helplessly to the bed. Andrew told him the scars were from his battle to survive the horrors of Drake Spear. An exercise in control that kept him from doing something worse when he had no way out of an impossibly terrible situation. 

So, what had happened now that he needed to do this to himself? 

_ I happened. I promised him always and I left. I was just another person who forced my way into his life and then walked away. I was a pipe dream. A nightmare. _

Neil leaned forward, listless and tired. He curled his hands in the fabric of the sheets and let his mind tear him down. He deserved it, after all. He deserved to feel like shit, to feel like the terrible, selfish human being he was. 

He could feel his body shaking. Shaking with regret, hopelessness, and fear. The buildup of months of wanting and not having. He didn’t feel tears but thought maybe he’d used them all up in the past several months. That didn’t stop silent sobs from wracking his frame and shaking the hospital bed. 

Another tremor shuddered down his spine but this time goosebumps bloomed across his skin. 

“Stop it...” croaked a voice, too deep to be his own but still foreign. 

And then he felt it. The hand on the back of his neck, light pressure but warm and familiar. 

Neil raised his head slowly and only slightly to see Andrew’s eyes cracked open. Unfocused and sunken looking from the deep bruising under his eyes, but open. 

“Andrew....” 

“One hundred and twenty.” 

*****

Neil tapped out yet another text to his head coach and apologized for his absence. Since the game against the Cardinals, Neil had missed two team meetings and two practices, feigning sick to cover for his time spent sitting around in the hospital. The season was over. The Cardinals ultimately won 12-9 and so while he still had practice and team obligations, they were more willing to go easy on him than if they needed to prepare for semi-finals. Eventually he would have to sit down and examine the new contracts he had been offered, but that was so far from his mind right now it might as well be in outer space. 

After Andrew had woken at the hospital, Neil stared down at him for several minutes, shell shocked and relieved. Nurses swarmed the room moments later, likely alerted by one of the many machines to the change in his vitals. They asked Neil to leave so he did, and he didn’t return. He’d driven home, washed the dye from his hair and collapsed on his bed. That more than thirty hours ago. 

According to one of the nurses, who he’d been calling every few hours for updates, Andrew should make a full recovery and would be released sometime this afternoon. It was good news. He was alive. Andrew was going to be okay. 

But was  _ he _ going to be okay? Neil cursed himself for staying long enough to let Andrew catch him hunched over his hospital bed, off guard and vulnerable. So far nothing had shown up in the media so at least no one else had recognized him. But he couldn’t go running to Andrew every time something happened to one of them. Exy was a rough sport and they were both likely to suffer injuries so long as they played. Granted a racquet to the head wasn’t exactly a common or minor injury, especially for a goalkeeper. But Neil knew he couldn’t keep inserting himself back into Andrew’s life. Not only was it dangerous but it was unfair, to the both of them. Neil was sure he would never move on, never find peace with his predicament, never be happy without Andrew. But that didn’t mean he had to give Andrew emotional whiplash by showing up in his life whenever something happened and then disappearing again a moment later. It wasn’t fair. Nothing was fair. Not for the first time, Neil wondered if it might just be easier to turn himself over to the Moriyamas. Allowing himself to be executed seemed less painful than the life he was currently living and it would get Andrew off their radar since they would have no need to hurt him if Neil was out of the picture. 

If he hadn’t been so lost in his thoughts, he might have noticed something amiss when he arrived at home. He’d been gone for hours with the intention to run, but had mostly just ended up walking around the city, holding a lit cigarette between his fingers. He’d purchased the pack a few weeks ago and had already been chided by his coaches about showing up smelling like smoke. But he needed the familiarity of the smell to smooth over his jagged edges. Exhaust and stress and relief and lack of a proper meal in days left him feeling weak and shaky. So, when he turned the key to his apartment and pushed the door open, he didn’t notice the kitchen light was on. Nor the smell of Chinese food or the person leaned back on his couch, still wearing shoes. 

When he did notice he startled, flipping the switch for the overhead light. “The fuck.....Andrew?” 

Andrew pushed himself up with some difficulty, his left arm in a sling. There was faint stubble on his jaw and there was still bruising under his eyes, but he had a little more color to his cheeks and his hair looked as though it had been washed. He turned on the couch, dropping his feet off the edge next to a black duffle bag his coach had likely dropped off at the hospital when he was admitted. 

Neil closed the door quickly and locked it along with the deadbolt and then hastily ran over to the windows and closed the blinds. “Did anyone see you come here? Fuck Andrew, you can’t just....” 

When he turned and their eyes locked Neil’s words died in his throat. He looked away and walked towards the kitchen island, making a show of emptying the contents of his pockets – keys, cellphone, wallet, cigarettes. He didn’t see Andrew move but could feel his presence at his back. When he finally turned Andrew was a few feet away, watching him. 

“You can’t be here...” Neil said quietly. 

“But you can camp out in my hospital room for days at a time?” he asked accusingly. 

Of course Trisha couldn’t keep her fucking mouth shut. 

“That was....” Neil hugged his arms around his middle, head tilting down to focus on the beige carpet. “I just needed to make sure you were....that was a hard hit.” 

Andrew had a pen in his right hand and was twirling it idly between his fingers down by his side. He seemed unsympathetic to Neil’s discomfort and raked his eyes up and down the striker in a scrutinizing gaze. 

When he spoke Neil could hear the spite in his tone. “I’ll live. Does that ease your conscience?” 

“That’s not fair,” muttered Neil. 

“Fair?” Andrew gave a little huff and made a fist around the pen. “Enlighten me.” 

Neil sighed and moved around into the kitchen. He needed something to do with his body, with his hands. Anything that would keep him distracted from the way Andrew was looking at him. The refrigerator was nearly empty but Neil retrieved a jug from the door and poured filtered water into a clean glass. 

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay. But you should go now. It’s not sa.....you shouldn’t be spotted here,” said Neil, sipping from the glass. 

Andrew ignored him and took a step closer, standing at the end of the island. His nose wrinkled in disgust. “You smell like an ashtray.” 

“You didn’t use to mind,” he said automatically. 

Andrew dropped the pen onto the counter. “I didn’t use to notice.” 

When Andrew took another step, Neil stiffened and resisted the urge to move away. Not that there was anywhere to go in the small kitchen. 

“You look like shit,” said Andrew, still scowling. 

Neil bristled and turned finally, catching hazel eyes with his own. “Speak for yourself.” 

“Why did you walk away, Neil?” Andrew took a step to the side so Neil wouldn’t be able to get around him even if he tried. 

He had expected the question but that made it no less surprising. “I told you why.” 

“Liar.” 

“Always have been.” 

“Not to me.” 

“Old habits die hard.” 

Andrew took a step closer. “Relapse doesn’t suit you.” 

Neil didn’t have an answer to that, but Andrew didn’t seem to want one. Instead the blond reached upwards, wrapped his hand around the back of Neil’s neck and pulled him into a bruising kiss. Neil groaned involuntarily at the contact. He couldn’t help it. Other than the few hugs from the Foxes and the frequent body check on court, no one had touched him in almost a year. And this was more than a simple touch, this was Andrew, whose fingertips could set his skin aflame with just a simple graze. Whose lips made his heart beat stutter and tumble in his chest. 

When Andrew prodded Neil’s mouth with his tongue, Neil opened to him immediately. He lost himself in the wet heat of Andrew’s mouth and the hand that moved around to squeeze his throat, finding his pulse that was hammering beneath his skin. Neil’s hands snaked up to twist into Andrew’s hair, soft and long enough to tug on the top, smelling like generic soap he’d used at the hospital. Neil gasped into his mouth when Andrew bit down on his lip hard enough to bruise before pulling away abruptly. He put a few inches between them. Neil made an embarrassingly needy sound at the loss of contact and Andrew had to reach up and remove Neil’s hands from his hair. 

Neil opened his eyes to find Andrew glaring at him, cheeks flushed and lips swollen and slick with saliva. Neil was sure he was a mirror image save for his own foggy expression. Neil opened his mouth once, twice. Tried to say something, anything, but the words wouldn’t come out. 

Andrew stepped out of his space and leveled him with an incensed stare. “That’s what I thought.” 

Neil didn’t know what it meant but his voice was still broken when Andrew turned to leave. 

“Eat the food, Josten, or you’re going to get your ass handed to you on court.” 

The door slammed and Neil’s entire body flinched. He brought a hand up to touch his lips, still tingling and warm and the taste in his mouth sweet, probably from something Andrew had to drink earlier in the day. 

What had he done? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate chapter title: Neil is still being an idiot. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Rating: T (mentions of cutting)
> 
> Bonus chapter! 
> 
> So this is a short chapter, which is why I'm posting two on the same day. It wasn't included in my original draft because you can still follow the story without it, but I thought we could do more with Andrew's POV so I'm gonna go ahead and post it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All credit to Nora of course, I own nothing.
> 
> Visit me on tumblr if you have questions. [https://andthenthefirenationattacked.tumblr.com/]
> 
> Note: Canon compliant through the books and some of the extra content.

“Yes Bee...I know...shut up...” 

Andrew leaned against the windows of his apartment, hand pressed to the glass while the other held the phone to his ear. He looked out over the twinkling cityscape. 

“I’m sorry, Andrew. But since you’re no longer an official patient my hands are tied. I can send you recommendations for doctors in your area, if you like.” 

He flinched. “Fine.” 

“I’m sure you will have no problem getting cleared, you’ve assured me you’re not hurting yourself anymore. I believe you and so will any doctor worth their salt.” 

After his release from the hospital he was forced into another physical in order to be cleared by the teams physician. While the doctors at the hospital had kept quiet about his scars the team doctor was obligated to report his findings to his coaches. They told him he would need to see a shrink before he could return to the court. 

Bee had been the obvious choice, but he was no longer her patient and she still practiced out of Palmetto under contract. The idea of having to talk to someone else made him feel dirty all over. And he didn’t understand why it was necessary. He hadn’t cut since before his injury and it had only been a few times over the course of the hard winter months. When booze wasn’t enough to calm the storm in his mind. And it’s not like he had been trying to kill himself or cause permanent harm. Ultimately a few more scars were inconsequential even if he hated himself for giving in to old habits. 

“Neil saw them,” he said suddenly, unaware of the words he’d even spoken until they were out of his mouth and he couldn’t take them back. 

A long silence stretched between them. Andrew guessed Bee was trying to measure her response since this was the first time he’d mentioned Neil to her since coming off his medication all those years ago. The topic of Neil Josten had always been off limits in their sessions. 

“And how do you feel about that?” she asked calmly, instead of the million questions she could have asked. Where did you see him? Are you still broken up? 

“It doesn’t matter,” said Andrew, pushing off from the wall and moving towards his kitchen. 

“If it didn’t matter you wouldn’t have mentioned it,” she said, sagely. 

“Neil is nothing to me now, so it doesn’t matter,” he clarified. 

Andrew pulled down a half-empty bottle of scotch and a small glass, pouring some of the amber liquid to the brim. 

“Are you also nothing to him? If he saw then he must have visited you at the hospital,” she guessed, correctly. 

The liquid burned more than it usual and didn’t take the edge off his simmering emotions. 

“He walked away, Bee. In the summer and then after the hospital. So it doesn’t matter. He won’t talk to me.” 

“Why did he walk away?” she prodded, pulling on the thread since Andrew had dangled it in front of her. 

“I don’t fucking know. He won’t talk to me. He just keeps saying we ‘can’t’. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” he asked, to no one in particular. 

He could hear movement over the phone and assumed Bee was moving to another room of her house. 

“I don’t know, Andrew. I think that is a question only Neil can answer.” 

Something clicked in the back of his mind and he went still. 

“Andrew?” 

“But it doesn’t matter...” he said, his voice barely a whisper. But he wasn’t talking to Bee. He was trying to talk himself out of the thought that had formed, taking root in the back of his mind and trying to claw its way out into action. 

“What doesn’t matter?” asked Bee. 

“Nothing matters,” he said, snapping back to the present. 

Bee gave the smallest of sighs, barely audible. “You know that isn’t true, Andrew. There are many things in your life that matter.” 

A small part of him, deep down, buried beneath layers of trauma and the darkness he’d cloaked himself in to survive, knew she was right. But it didn’t feel that way. He had a career, his health – probably, a roof over his head and money in a bank account. But none of those things felt like they really mattered to him, not really. And neither did Neil. He didn’t... _ he didn’t _ .... 

“I have to go, Bee.” 

“Alright. And Andrew......call me first, if you feel the urge to self-harm again. We can work on alternative grounding techniques. I’m always here for you.” 

Andrew hummed his understanding and pressed the ‘end’ button. 

A storm rolled in outside, thunder clapped and clouds concealed the moonlight. Rain followed a few minutes later. As he listened his mind turned over and over, stuck on her words that she didn’t realize the significance of. ‘ _ I think that is a question only Neil can answer.’ _

She was wrong. There was someone else. At Aaron’s wedding, Kevin knew something he wasn’t saying. His curiosity had been peaked momentarily but avoidance had won out in the end. But after the encounter in Neil’s apartment, the kiss he could still feel even a week later....Neil didn’t leave because he wanted to. He said it had been to preserve his career but Andrew knew that was a lie. He tried to tell himself it was just Neil’s excuse, his means to get out when he couldn’t simply tell Andrew he was done with whatever it was they had. But now he wanted answers, craved them. Maybe he could find a little closure and peace of mind and forget about the goddamn idiot if he just knew the truth. 

Neil was stubborn. He could hold out longer than Andrew’s patience. But Kevin knew and Andrew knew how to make Kevin talk. 

* 

Two weeks later Andrew found himself waiting outside the stadium gates after the Houston Sirens crushed the Indiana Cougars. He leaned against the door of the Maserati, chewing gum and for the hundredth time that year wished he hadn’t given up cigarettes. He was parked alongside two busses he knew had been used as shuttles to get the Sirens to the stadium from the airport. At ten pm the parking lot finally started to clear and several security guards led the way for the Sirens to make their way back to their busses. 

Andrew watched each player pass until his eyes settled on his target. 

“That shot you missed against Hodges was pathetic,” he said, as soon as Kevin was within earshot. 

But it wasn’t Kevin who answered. Thea fixed Andrew with a scowl and stopped walking, shifting her bag to the other shoulder. “You must have missed the final score, fourteen to six, by the way. Or have you forgotten what a winning score looks like after Sacramento booted you from the semis last week? Oh that’s right, you didn’t play, so perhaps you have forgotten.” 

Andrew ignored her and fixed his stare on Kevin who finally found his voice. “What are you doing here?” 

The Sirens were loading their bags in the compartments under the bus when Andrew pushed away from the car, walking around to the drivers side. “We’re going for a drive. Get in.” 

“No way,” said Thea. “We have a flight at 11 tomorrow, he’s not going with you.” 

Kevin reached out to grip her arm, squeezing a little and she shot him a withering look. “It’s alright, we won’t be long. He can drop me back off at the hotel.” 

Andrew nodded in confirmation. “Don’t worry, I’ll have the princess home before the end of the ball.” 

Thea continued glaring, Kevin kissed her on the cheek and moved to the passenger side of the Maserati – tossing his bag over the seat towards the back. 

It was clear when Andrew pulled off the road twenty minutes later that Kevin expected something different. A bar, most likely. Not to be walked across an empty park overlooking the White River where Andrew set a full bottle of vodka on top of a picnic table. 

The goalkeeper climbed on top of the table, sitting with his feet on the bench and opened the bottle. He took a few swigs before handing it to Kevin. Kevin only took a few hefty gulps before setting the bottle down and moving to stand in front of Andrew. Andrew raised an eyebrow in question. 

“I don’t drink much anymore,” he explained. 

Andrew shrugged and picked up the bottle again, taking another swig and holding the neck between his hands, dangling it between his thighs. 

“You didn’t bring me here to talk about the game,” said Kevin, crossing his arms across his chest. 

“No,” said Andrew. 

It took only a few minutes for Kevin’s patience to wear thin. He huffed quietly. “You’re here because of Neil.” 

Hazel eyes slid upwards and his chin followed. Andrew set the bottle down on the bench between his feet and pulled a knife from his armbands, twirling it idly. 

“We’re going to play a game...you remember those, don’t you Kevin?” 

Kevin eyed the knife. 

“What....you brought me all the way out here to stab me? Couldn’t you have just done that when you saw me. You know I hate waiting,” said Kevin sarcastically, a rare display of courage. 

Andrew smiled, slow and cold. “Don’t jump to conclusions......you only get knifed if you lose the game. And you’ve always been so good at winning.” 

Kevin sighed and shifted uncomfortably. “What do you want, Andrew?” 

“Only the truth. A simple request, I think.” 

“Ask Neil.” 

“I’m asking you.” 

“You’re threatening me.” 

“Same difference.” 

Kevin glared at him for a moment longer, holding up his bravado quite impressively. Andrew felt that for once Kevin might try to call his bluff – if only that’s what it was. Instead he hopped off the table, lightening quick. He got hold of one of Kevin’s arms and wrenched it behind his back, pushing him towards the able. Kevin gave a surprised squawk of indignation and Andrew gave his hand another twist before smashing his palm against the top of the table. In the next motion he flourished the knife and stabbed it deep within the wood between Kevin’s index and middle finger. 

“How many fingers do you think you need to hold a racquet, Kevin?” asked Andrew, his voice calm and quiet. 

Kevin sucked in a breath and held it. Finally, through gritted teeth he said “Fine...I’ll tell you...now let me go....jesus, I thought you weren’t crazy anymore?” 

Andrew held him there a moment longer before plucking the knife from the table, hopping back on top and twirling the blade as if nothing had happened, ignoring Kevin’s comment entirely. 

“Quickly.....we don’t have all night,” said Andrew. 

Green eyes narrowed in his direction and Kevin put a few more feet between them before speaking. 

“Ichirou wasn’t impressed with Neil’s contract. He blamed it on the bad press last spring. He told Neil he would kill you if he didn’t break it off.” 

The words tumbled out so quickly Andrew had to play them over in his head for better comprehension. Of all the things he imagined, this was not one of the scenarios he'd dreamed up. He slid the knife back into its sheath and crossed his arms. 

“He told you this?” 

Kevin nodded, still keeping his distance even though the knife had disappeared. “He came to see me. I think he was hoping to find a way around it. But we both knew there wasn’t. He didn’t want to gamble with your life.” 

Andrew arched a blond brow in Kevin’s direction, scowl returning to his previously blank features. “You told him to go along with it?” 

“Of course I did. We wanted you alive, Andrew. I would have made the same decision,” said Kevin. 

Andrew snorted derisively. “You would have just walked away from Thea?” 

“If it was to keep her safe, yes,” he said immediately. 

Andrew stared him down for several minutes. Eventually he swiped the vodka bottle and dropped from the table. “I’m taking you back to the hotel.” 

Kevin held his tongue for most of the drive. When they were a few blocks from their destination Andrew tossed his phone in Kevin’s lap. 

“What is this for?” 

“I need the number to contact Ichirou.” 

“What? No. Absolutely not. Andrew...” 

“The number, Kevin.” 

Kevin recoiled slightly at the look Andrew gave him but still hesitated. “Andrew...he will kill you. You must know that. Don’t be an idiot.” 

The car rolled to a stop under the overhead of the hotel next to the valet parking and Andrew turned slightly. In the end Kevin relented and typed the number into the phone. Andrew snatched it back. 

“Whatever you are thinking about doing, it’s a terrible idea,” Kevin said once more. 

“My favorite kind.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think Andrew would actually cut Kevin's finger off. Probably. Maybe just take a fingernail or two. 
> 
> Next chapter I'll finally earn my 'E' rating.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Rating: E (SMUT/language/mentions of cutting)
> 
> This is a long chapter but I didn't want to break it up. We are coming to a close (only one shorter chapter left plus an epilogue) but I finally begin to make amends for ripping your hearts out for the last week.
> 
> I'm not joking about the E rating - like 75% of this is porn so just consider yourselves warned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All credit to Nora of course, I own nothing.
> 
> Visit me on tumblr if you have questions. [https://andthenthefirenationattacked.tumblr.com/]
> 
> Note: Canon compliant through the books and some of the extra content.

The highway faded from view as the cab turned down a winding, tree lined path, climbing steeper into the foothills beneath the Smoky Mountains. Neil’s foot bounced on the floor in the back seat and his hands  twisted  in the fabric of the duffel on his lap. The scenery outside the windows was familiar. He’d been here before, with his Foxes, more than five years ago. And this would be the first time they were all together since before Neil graduated. Well...most of them. 

Neil hadn’t gone to Aaron’s wedding. He knew about it, had talked about going with Andrew, but that was before everything went to shit. Matt had called him before the ceremony, asking where he was and he was finally unable to avoid the topic any longer. Allison had kept his secret but they deserved to know. So, he told them. Not the truth of course, but enough so he wouldn’t have to tip toe around the subject any longer. He hoped they would keep their word and not ask about Andrew this weekend. Despite their ill-advised kiss in his kitchen two month s prior, nothing had changed. As much as Neil thought about their situation and tried to think of a way out, he always came up blank.  Every conclusion ended with Andrew’s death.  So, the only reason he agreed to come to the cabin for Nicky and Dan’s combined birthday celebration was because they had explicitly mentioned Andrew wouldn’t be able to make it – some charity event his team had been roped into. Not that he expected him to _ want  _ to go anyways – Andrew rarely participated in anything without incentive and for years that incentive had been Neil’s presence.

The sun was setting when the cab dropped him off at the cabin. A different house this time but in the same general area as the one before. He noticed only Matt and Dan seemed to have driven, their car  parked  in the  gravel  driveway. He didn’t recognize the others and assumed they were all rentals. Allison had offered to pick him up from the airport but he declined, knowing he’d need the drive over to think. 

He wanted this – wanted to spend time with his fox family, to allow himself to not feel alone, to feel like a person again, at least just for a while. But knowing he’d be here without Andrew stung more than it should after so many months. He knew he would never adjust. He knew the wound would never heal. The only thing he could do was slap a bandaid over it and push it out of his mind for a while.

When he opened the  door he was greeted immediately and enthusiastically by his old team. Even Aaron raised a beer in his direction, Katelyn hanging from his shoulder and grinning at him with a wave. He offered small smiles and partial hugs, accepted the drink Dan foist in his hand. Kevin gave him a curt nod from his place near the window where he sat with a novel in hand . It was amazing they had all found the time to get together. Neil’s team had been bumped out in death matches, Matt’s before that, but Kevin’s team had made it all the way to the finals,  the Sirens coming in second. The season had finished less than a week ago. The professional Exy players had three weeks until training for the new season started. At the very least, with the terrible mess of a year Neil had, he had been offered a contract with the Springfield Spartans. When he returned to Florida, he would only have two weeks to tie up any loose ends before heading to Ohio for summer training. It was a little more money and a better ranked team, but his primary motivation was that he would be only a few hours away from Matt by car. That and the contract was much less rigid than the others he’d been presented with in the past.

Once he finished greeting his old team, Erik clapped a hand on his back and offered to show Neil to his room. It was a three-story cabin and his room was the only one on the top floor. It had a queen-sized bed and attached bath with a large corner tub. He wondered why they were putting him in such a nice room when there were several couples present and he took up less space than the average eight  grader . 

After dropping his bag i n an overstuffed armchair  Neil returned downstairs. The Foxes were lounging in the living room while Nicky and Erik mixed drinks in the open kitchen. They were chatting animatedly and Neil tried to soak it all in, let the warmth and safety of his friends soothe his cold, brittle soul. He accepted another drink from Nicky and grimaced at how sweet it was. He was three quarters into the glass when footsteps sounded on the porch. No one else seemed to notice, too wrapped up in the conversation, but Neil turned to look towards the door when it swung open. 

Andrew stood in the frame, looking tired and irritated . H is clothes  were  rumpled, likely from being on a plane for several hours. He closed the door quietly and stepped a few feet into the house, adjusting the bag over his shoulder. The others stopped talking, attention firmly set on their new arrival. When Neil tore his eyes away from Andrew long enough to survey his old teammates, he didn’t register surprise on any of their faces . They knew about this. They were looking between the two of them, bracing for the fallout.

“No....”

The word was barely a whisper but Andrew’s head snapped up and all of his focus went to Neil. The striker put down his drink with a clatter and headed for the door, attempting to give Andrew a wide berth but Andrew was too quick. His bag fell from his shoulder and his hand clamped around Neil’s bicep, yanking him in. 

“Stop fucking running,” said Andrew,  quietly  snarling at him through gritted teeth. 

Andrew was furious, that was obvious. But the way he was looking at Neil, the way his grip tightened possessively on Neil’s arm. This was more than  mere  indignation over Neil’s avoidance or a reaction to a terrible set up from their teammates. He knew.  _ Fuck. _ He knew. But how?

The group of Foxes were all on their feet now, moving closer to the pair. Drinks were discarded, jovial expressions turned stern and Kevin was shifting uncomfortably behind them all. Blue eyes narrowed in his direction and Neil sneered at him in French. 

“You told him,” he accused. 

Kevin answered in the same language, dropping his hands to his sides. “I didn’t have a choice. He knew something was wrong and nearly cut my fingers off for the information.”

Neil was unmoved by  this new information . “If you ever manage to grow a fucking spine I’m going to rip it out and strangle you with it, Kevin.”

“This is  not  my problem. You should have worked harder to hide the truth.”

“You should have lied,” seethed Neil, pulling a little on his arm but  Andrews grip held. 

“It’s too late for that now. You need to deal with this,” said Kevin. 

Neil turned away from Kevin. What he needed to do was protect Andrew. 

“Let go of me,” said Neil, this time in English. 

“Not until you tell me the truth,” said Andrew, squeezing harder. 

Neil brought his other hand up to clamp over Andrew’s wrist. “Kevin already told you.”

“I want to hear it from you.”

Neil’s gaze flickered back towards the other Foxes, who were all watching them intently. If the truth was going to get out, he didn’t mind the other’s knowing, but Katelyn and Erik weren’t a part of this and he had no intention of bringing them into his mess. 

“There’s nothing else to say,” said Neil, switching to Russian.

He and Andrew had taken a Russian elective Neil’s Soph o more year at PSU. He would never forget the day  the goalkeeper dropped into the seat next to him, pen in hand but no explanation given. Ever since the language became a code between them, used when they wanted privacy from the rest of the world, even from their family. Neil almost smiled at the memory. 

“Now I know there is something wrong with you. I never use d to be able to get you to shut up,” said Andrew, speaking in low Russian. 

“If Kevin told you then you know why we can’t do this. Now let me leave before we’re caught.”

“You are not going anywhere, and we are going to deal with this,” said Andrew, and his grip loosened a little when Neil d u g his nails into the ba ck of Andrews hand. 

“I said no,” Neil cried. 

For the first time, Andrew ignored his ‘no’. 

“You can lie to yourself all you want but you can not lie to me,” returned Andrew. 

Andrew let go of Neil and picked up his bag . I n the split-second Neil stood there , rooted to the  spot, he knew he  had to run but  was  unable to do it. Andrew nodded towards Matt. 

“Boyd.”

“....Right...”  Matt sighed heavily but nodded in resignation. He took a few steps closer and Neil turned to face the tall  backliner . “Sorry about this man...”

Matt swooped down and wrapped an arm around Neil’s  waist , hoisting him easily over his shoulder. Neils squawk of protest was drowned out by chatter of the other Foxes, some seemed confused but when he looked up, they mostly gave him apologetic looks and none bothered to come to his aid. Neil squirmed and protested, thumped Matt hard enough on the back that he knew it would hurt in the morning. But Matt ignored him, carrying him up the stairs. He tried to kick his legs but Matt held them down with a muscular arm. And when Neil reached out to try and grab on to the bannister or the corners of the wall, Andrew pushed his hands away until he lost his grip. 

Once they were upstairs Matt waited for Andrew to follow him in to the bedroom and then dumped Neil unceremoniously onto the bed. He was out the door  instantly  and Neil heard a key turning in the lock a second later. Neil jiggled the handle but it wouldn’t budge. He could probably kick the door down but assumed Allison, who was paying for the cottage, would tear him a new one. Not to mention he was locked in the room with Andrew who he doubted would let him linger there long enough to get it open. 

“Let me out, Matt,” shouted Neil, banging on the door. 

“No can-do man,” came Matt’s muffled voice from the other side. “You’re stuck in there until you guys work out your shit.”

“I’ll go out the window,” Neil threatened.

“Not unless you want a broken leg,” countered Matt. “It’s a three-story drop.”

_ Damnit.  _

Neil grunted and gave the door one last kick for good measure. “Traitor.”

“We’re tired of you two being so miserable, just do us a favor and talk to each other. Please?” begged Matt. 

“This is ridiculous,” barked Neil, still facing the door. “We’re not  kids . This shit only works in in your terrible high school movies.”

“Whatever man, I'll be back to check on you guys in the morning. There’s some food in the mini-fridge. And don’t break the door,” said Matt. “Or the bed....”

Neil slapped the door one last time and heard Matt’s uneasy chuckle and then footsteps as he moved back downstairs. When it was silent he took to staring at the knob as if he could simply will the door open. How did they even manage to find a house that had a door that only locked from the outside? Finally, Andrew’s lazy drawl brought him back to reality. 

“Are you going to stand there all night or can we get this over with?”

Neil twitched and turned. Andrew was sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning back on his hands. He was wearing a black t-shirt, charcoal gray jeans and his armbands were there, though Neil didn’t think he could make out the tell-tale signs of the sheathes underneath. He probably couldn’t get them on the plane without checking a bag.

“It’s already over,” said Neil plainly, looking around the room as if another exit might present itself. 

“Because you want it to be?” asked Andrew, tilting his head to the side while Neil began pacing like a caged animal. 

“Because it has to be,” Neil said. 

“I know you promised them money but I never took you for their lap dog,” said Andrew. 

Neil stopped pacing and paused in front of the goalkeeper, standing a few feet away but watching him intently. 

“I don’t have a choice, Andrew. They will kill you,” said Neil, trying to keep the volume down but his voice rising in pitch anyways. “You get that don’t you? There’s nothing I can do to convince them otherwise.”

“How do you know that?” Andrew pushed himself off the bed and glared at Neil again, keeping his fists at his sides. “Did you even think to ask me for help? I promised I would keep you safe. Do you think I would let them take me out and leave you here to fend for yourself? You don’t belong to them. You belong to me.”

Neil sucked in a breath at the intensity of Andrews face. His pupils were blown wide and there was a savage turn to his mouth. 

Neil just shook his head. “I told you to let me out of that deal years ago. I won’t risk your life for mine. I won’t do it Andrew.”

“Fuck the deal,” said Andrew, his voice growing louder but still not what could be considered shouting. Andrew never shouted. “You listen to me you idiotic junkie – if you have a problem, if  _ we _ have a problem...you come to me. You do not lie to me about it. You do not try to run. And you do not try to take it all on yourself.”

His fingers twitched at his sides but Neil held his ground, even with Andrew snarling in his face. He slanted a glare of his own down at the goalkeeper and his mouth curved in a cold smile. “Fine....so what’s the plan, Andrew? You go in, knives blazing and take on the whole fucking Moriyama family by yourself? You can’t win against them. And I won’t have you throwing your life away for this.”

“You do not have the right to tell me what to stand for,” spat Andrew, jamming two fingers into Neil’s chest. 

Neil caught his hand and squeezed around his fingers. “Maybe this isn’t about you. Maybe I don’t want to be responsible for your death. Maybe I just can’t stand to watch you die. I don’t care if that’s selfish. I won’t lose you.”

Andrew glared up at him but didn’t pull his hand away. “And you thought walking away was the solution to  _ not _ losing this? You truly are a moron. There are things worse than death, Neil.”

The blond yanked his hand away and stalked over towards the mini-fridge, ripping it open. When he closed it there were half a dozen airplane sized bottles of vodka in his hands and he opened one and dumped the contents down his throat. He was on the third when Neil finally collapsed onto the bed, hunching forward and cradling his head in his hands. 

“I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t want to leave...I never wanted that...I just....” Neil sat up and gestured helplessly. 

When Andrew returned to the bed to stand in front of Neil, Neil took the bottle of liquor offered and upended the liquid in his mouth, grimacing at the taste. Andrew kicked off his shoes and they hit the wall with a soft thump. When he finished a fourth small  bottle he tossed that to the floor as well. Fingers curled under Neil’s chin , forcing him to look up . Andrew wore a pensive expression, brows furrowed and his lips slightly set in a frown. But he didn’t look angry anymore. 

Hope had always been a dangerous thing, but Neil allowed himself the emotion, just for a second.

“Can we really figure this out?” Neil asked, leaning a little into the touch. 

Andrew let go of his face. “I already have.”

Blue eyes blinked stupidly, as if trying to focus. Did he hear him wrong?

“What?” asked Neil. 

Andrew exhaled noisily  and h is movement was slow as he moved to sit down beside Neil, so close their thighs nearly touched. Neil could feel the heat radiating from his body. 

“I’ve requested a meeting  with Ichirou,” he said calmly. 

Neil sprang to his feet, turning to stare down at Andrew with wide, fearful eyes. “You what?!”

Fingers reached out and hooked through the loops in his pants, tugging Neil forward. The touch steadied him but he was still frantic. 

“I am going to have a chat with the little lord. I am going to offer him another deal. And he is going to take it. He wants money, assets. That’s what I am going to give him,” said the blond. 

Neil shook his head furiously. “No....you can’t...Andrew...if you even show up he’ll kill you...he told me...”

“It doesn’t matter, it’s done. He agreed. He will be meeting me in person next week.”

He counted to ten in English, then German, French, Spanish and Russian, willing himself to calm down. 

“I thought I was the one with the death wish,” he said finally, even though making light of the situation made him feel sick to his stomach. 

“Your stupidity has undoubtedly rubbed off on me,” said Andrew. 

Neil smiled. It was small but genuine. For a while he thought he might have forgotten how. His expression didn’t reflect the new feeling that rose in his chest. The feeling that he had been so incredibly stupid and selfish. How could he not  have  thought about this? He’d been so panic-stricken that he didn’t even think to try and bargain with the mob boss , automatically assuming it would mean death . 

“So, what are you going to offer him?” asked Neil, hands clasped in front of him but his eyes stayed focused on Andrew. 

“ Eight five percent, of both of our salaries and endorsements. I signed with Adidas last week, should be a nice payout. I don’t think Ichirou will be able to resist an extra  three million a year.”

“And if he doesn’t? If he just decides to put a bullet in you? What then?” asked Neil, fear contorting his features once more. He reached out and Andrew snagged one of his hands and squeezed. 

“ H e won’t.”

Andrew’s unwavering bravado did nothing to reassure him. 

“I’m.....I’m _ terrified _ ,” he admitted.  _ Of losing you. _

Andrew huffed a little and squeezed his hand again, glancing upwards as he surveyed Neil through pale lashes. “You always have been the bravest chicken-shit I know.”

Neil smirked and leaned forward a little. “That might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“I won’t make it a habit,” offered Andrew. 

They stared at each other for an endless moment. And then Andrew let go of his hand, but his expression smoothed over and his eyes became heavy lidded. 

“Yes or no, Neil?”

His heart stuttered but his response was immediate. 

“Yes.”

Andrew leaned down and wrapped a hand around Neil’s calf, lifting his leg slightly.  Neil’s hands moved to Andrew’s shoulders to balance himself and Andrew pulled off one shoe and sock, and then the others, tossing them aside. And then his hands were on Neil’s waist, pulling down. Andrew scooted back a little and Neil slotted his legs beside Andrew’s thighs to settle on his lap. His hands threaded into Andrew’s hair and Neil’s chest nearly burst when Andrew melted into the contact. That hadn’t been together in over a year but all of their pieces still fit perfectly. 

Settling his full weight on strong thighs, Neil leaned forward. He kissed Andrew lightly, pulling away to search his face for signs of regret or hesitation. Andrew answered by sliding his hands up, over the front of Neil’s shirt and they settled around his throat. He squeezed gently and his thumbs tapped in time with Neil’s pulse. 

Neil gave his hair a little tug. “Still hate me?”

Andrew leaned in and his words were whispered against Neil’s lips. “Every inch of you.”

Neil grinned but Andrew kissed away the expression and snaked his tongue inside, running along Neil’s lower lip. Neil prodded  Andrews tongue with his own and moaned quietly as the wet appendages rolled together . Heat rose in his core and soon Andrew’s hands dropped back to the hem of Neil’s shirt and they separated long enough to toss it to the floor. Even through jeans there was no hiding their arousal given their current position and Neil rolled his hips. Andrew made a small, startled sound and the hand on the back of Neil’s neck pulled him away. Instead Andrews lips moved to Neil’s jaw, neck and collarbone, tongue sliding across skin and scars, leaving a cooling trail in its wake. Neil let his hands venture farther, palms sliding down muscled biceps to tug at the edges of Andrew’s armbands. 

Andrew pulled back to look Neil in the eyes but gave a small nod. Neil pulled the armbands away with shaky fingers and then did the same with his own, letting the black cloth tangle together and fall to the floor. He sat back far enough to reach for Andrew’s arms between them, gently grasping his wrists and turning them over to s urvey the damaged skin . Some of the lines were still tinged pink but there were no scabs. He hadn’t cut in a while. 

With a searching look, Neil leaned forward, pressing a slow kiss to Andrew’s lips. He pulled back  again  and looked down. 

“Did it help?” asked Neil, eyes flicking back upwards to meet Andrews. 

“For a while,” he  answered honestly. “I haven’t done it since the hospital.”

Neil nodded once and then brought Andrew’s arms up between them, never breaking eye contact. He pressed kisses down the scarred flesh, first down the right arm, then the left. Andrew sucked in a gasp but he didn’t pull away. When Neil let go, they surged forward together . Andrew kissed Neil like it was a fight for their lives, hard and furious. Neil  prodded  at the hem of Andrew’s shirt and  Andrew yanked if off without any hesitation. As soon as it was discarded, he hooked an arm around Neil’s bottom, flipping their positions and shoving Neil up towards the center of the bed. He made quick work of Neil’s jeans and boxes briefs, yanking them off in one go. Neil’s erection sprang free with a quiet slap against his belly and Andrew ground down against him. The fabric of Andrew’s jeans was scratchy and hurt a little but Neil still pushed upwards into the touch. 

It had taken them years to be completely comfortable together but they had been patient and now they knew each other's bodies as well as their own. Neil knew the sounds Andrew would make when he scratched  blunt  nails down his back and Andrew knew running his fingers along Neil’s hipbone would have him practically begging to get on with it. 

“I missed you,” said Neil, between kisses. “So much....you have no idea...”

Andrew reached down and squeezed the head of Neil’s  leaking  cock. “I think I have an idea...”

“Hnngh....Andrew..." Neil bucked into his hand while Andrew sucked a bruise to the skin at the junction where his throat met his shoulder. “I need you...”

“So impatient...” breathed Andrew, moving lower, this time marking one of Neil’s ribs while his fist moved in slow motion around Neil’s cock. 

“Yea....I’m...” but the rest of Neil’s words came out as a groan  when Andrew dragged his teeth up t he scarred landscape of Neil’s chest and sucked a hard nipple into his mouth.

Neil’s train of thought came  completely  to a halt when Andrew flattened his tongue against the underside of his dick and licked him root to stem.

“You were saying?” asked Andrew, pulling back to press a kiss to his tip. 

“Andrewww.....”

The blond took him in his mouth, his free hand reaching down to undo the button and zipper on his own pants. 

Wet lips circled over hot, hard skin, tongue circling around the  head on each pull upwards. Andrew bobbed his head at a mercilessly slow pace and Neil felt every drag of his tongue, ever curl of his lips. His world narrowed to the wet hea t of Andrew’s clever mouth and he sucked so hard Neil’s eyes began to water. Neil was writhing beneath him in minutes but he pulled away far too soon, Neil’s cock slipping from his mouth with a wet ‘pop’. 

Neil looked down to glare at Andrew to  complain about his teasing . B ut Andrew was standing up , shoving his own pants down and toeing out of his socks. Neil propped himself on his elbows to rake appreciative eyes over the toned goalkeeper. He was already hard, his pale, circumcised cock standing at attention surrounded by a sparse patch of dark gold curls. Andrew leaned forward and ran his finger tips up and down Neil’s inner thigh’s. Feather light touches that made Neil shiver and goosebumps break out over his sensitive flesh. He  shuddered , closing his eyes for a moment and when he opened them Andrew was staring down, a hungry look in his eye that Neil wanted to feed. 

“What do you want?” asked Andrew, his voice low and the sound of it sent another shiver down Neil’s spine. 

He didn’t have to think about his answer. “I want you to fuck me...”

Andrew’s hands stilled for a moment and then snaked up farther so his thumbs could rub small circles on Neil’s hipbones. Neil’s cock twitched. 

“Yes or no, Andrew?” asked Neil, head tilting to the side and his breathing ragged.

The blond leaned forward and Neil reached out with one hand to pull him in, hand caressing the short hairs at the back of Andrew’s neck.  Andrew kissed him  soundly , punctuated by his thought process.

“Yes,” he whispered against Neil’s lips, finding his answer, and then withdrew completely. 

Andrew padded the few feet over to his bag and crouched down. He returned to the bed a moment later with a small bottle in one hand and a condom in the other. Neil flicked a questioning look towards the condom. They had both been tested and hadn’t used them in years. 

“I haven’t been with anyone...” said Andrew,  his voice barely audible . 

Neil shook his head quickly. “Me neither. Come here...”

The mattress dipped when  Andrew fell on top of him and  he  tossed the condom to the side. The bottle fell to the  pillow  beside Neil’s head. Neil’s hands wound their way around Andrew’s back in a loose grip, the pads of his fingers tracing muscle and the occasional scar. Connecting freckles he knew were there even though he couldn’t see them. Andrew pulled his mouth away from Neil’s long enough to snatch up the bottle and coat his fingers in lube. Neil wrapped his legs around Andrew’s waist instinctively and Andrew’s hand crawled between them, sliding along the cleft of Neil’s ass until it found its target. He pushed in slowly, with a restraint neither of them had practiced in a very long time. He paused when he felt Neil tense and didn’t move farther until his body relaxed again. Neil dug his heels into Andrew’s thighs and rolled his hips upwards to encourage the movement. When Andrew added a second finger Neil moaned into his neck, biting lightly – a gesture that earned a delightful hiss from Andrew. 

Soon Andrew’s fingers were moving in time with Neil’s hips, push and pull.  Clever and twisting and stretching.  Neil’s fingers dug into Andrews back and he could feel Andrew’s cock rubbing along his own. When Andrew crooked his fingers just right, finding the spot he’d memorized the coordinates to years ago, Neil cried out. Usually when they weren’t alone Andrew would hiss at him to be quiet but this time Andrew rewarded the sound with a gasp of his own. 

“Andrew....I want you...” breathed Neil, licking a line down Andrew’s jaw and finding his lips again. 

“You’re really tight...” he returned.

Neil answered with a mighty buck of is hips and another groan. 

“Andrew...” he said, louder this time. 

Andrew made a clicking sound with his tongue  but pulled his fingers away. He sat back on his knees and Neil dropped his legs down. He watched Andrew pop the cap on the lube again, spreading the cool jelly on his cock and then wrapping his slick hand around Neil’s, giving it a few cursory pumps. When he let go, he reached for Neil, his messy hands grabbing the striker by the hips and pulling him onto his lap. Neil understood what he wanted and pushed himself up on his legs to shift closer. He pushed up as Andrew took his own cock in hand and guided himself to Neil’s ass. Neil sank down, painfully slowly. Their breathes caught, eyes locked, and Andrew’s hands clamped a bruising grip on Neil’s hips to control the slide. Neil let his head fall back, eyes closed, his fingers ghosting around Andrew’s chest to find purchase on his shoulders. 

“ _ Fuuuck _ _... _ ” said Neil, trying to move but Andrew held him still. 

He was tight and it burned more than it had in a while. He’d fingered himself a handful of times in the shower but that had always been disappointing. This was completely different and Neil wondered how he had gone so long without Andrew. This was pain and pleasure and all-consuming and he still wanted  _ more. _ Neil looked down and as hazel eyes found his own once again, he nodded his consent. Andrew moved, lifting him slightly and then pulling him back down.  Andrew’s lips parted but he stayed silent.  Neil assisted the movement , using strong legs, sculpted from years of running and  Exy and the gym, making use of himself to help Andrew find a rhythm. As they settled into a moderate pace of controlled, hard thrusts, Andrew dropped his head to Neil’s collar with a grunt, finger digging bruises into Neil’s hips. Neil slid his arms back and wrapped them around Andrew’s neck, pulling him as close as he could and relished the way Andrew buried his face in his neck. Neil could feel their chests sliding together as they moved, sweat slick and impossibly hot. The mattress beneath them creaked slightly with each bounce .

“Fuck...Andrew...I....I missed you...you...” The words were breathed into  Andrew’s hair.

“Shut....” Andrew thrust into him hard and Neil  yelped a little . “Up.”

Neil bit his lip but it didn’t stop the breathy little moans from escaping. Andrew hooked an arm underneath him and changed positions, dropping Neil back onto the pile of pillows while still keeping their bodies entwined. One of Neil’s legs wrapped around Andrews waist but Andrew snagged the other with his hand, gripping the back of Neil’s knee and folding him over. His thrusts became frenzied. Frantic with the need to feel more, to go harder, deeper and Neil rocked up to meet each snap of Andrew’s hips. He kept one hand tightly wound in blond hair but his other snaked between their bodies, stroking his own cock in time with the snap of Andrew’s hips. The headboard gave a small ‘thump’ as  it hit the wall and Neil arched into the body above him, head pressing f u rther into the pillows. 

“I’m close...” said Neil, eyes squeezed shut, trying to concentrate to hold out just a little longer. 

Andrew didn’t respond but his brows dug deeper and sweat rolled from his temples. He leaned down and captured Neil’s lips, biting and teeth and tongues clashing. Neil let go of himself to grasp Andrew’s hip and Andrew sank down on top of him. He let go of Neil’s knee to snatch both of his wrists and pin them to the mattress beside Neil’s head. The friction was mind-numbing. Neil wrapped his other leg around Andrew’s waist to pull him impossibly close and Andrew fucked into him with abandon. His balls tightened; his body tensed. Andrew slid his hands up farther to lock their fingers together and caught Neil’s mouth in a frantic kiss. Neil’s warning came out a long groan that ended with something that sounded like Andrews name as he came thickly between their  pressed  bodies.

Neil’s mind was white noise but he could feel himself clenching around Andrew, and it was enough to send the other man over the edge. Andrew let go of Neil’s hands, grabbing his hips and pushing himself upwards. He snapped his hips forward once, twice and then his body went rigid as he spilled inside Neil, lips parted and body flushed from exertion.

Euphoria washed over Neil. He was hot and his legs were pleasantly sore and he felt whole and happy for the first time in an age. His body was still trembling when he opened his eyes to find Andrew staring down at him. The goalkeeper pulled back slowly,  his waning cock slipping from Neil, leaving them both a mess along with the blanket. Neil reached up and pressed his hand to Andrew’s chest and Andrew covered it with his own hand. He could feel Andrews heart, thumping rapidly and his chest heaving as he caught his breath. His cheeks and shoulders were  pink and his hair was plastered to his forehead but he was the most beautiful thing Neil had ever seen. 

Andrew’s hand clamped around Neil's and he brought the hand to his lips, kissing scarred knuckles one at a time. 

“Idiot,” he murmured, and  then  he leaned forward and Neil pulled him  in  for a slow, open mouthed kiss. 

After, Andrew flopped onto his back and brought his forearm over his eyes , blocking out the light. Neil rolled towards him, propping himself up on a shaky arm to peer down at his lover. _ Lover. I love him.  _

“I love you,” he said, his voice quiet but stronger than he expected it to be. 

Years ago, he never would have considered the words, either because he didn’t really know what they meant or because he thought them unnecessary to say. But after almost losing Andrew , after a year apart, and no matter what happened now ....he needed to say them aloud, just once. 

Andrew was slow to react. He pulled his arm away from his face and turned his head to study Neil, squinting against the overhead lighting. His eyes narrowed and they stared at each other for a solid minute. Finally, Andrew closed his eyes and turned his head back, arm shoved under the pillow beneath his head. 

“One hundred and  twenty - one ...” he muttered, and Neil grinned. 

He was finally home again. 

** * **

Consciousness teetered on the edge of his mind, so when the floorboards creaked and the lock on the door turned Neil finally opened his eyes. Footsteps retreated a moment later and he surmised it was probably Matt holding up his end of the bargain. Neil lifted his gaze to the slumbering blond next to him, barely a foot away, their hands almost touching on the pillow between them. He could have stayed there forever, cocooned in comfortable  warmth and locked away from the rest of the world. Andrew shifted slightly but didn’t wake. It was odd. Andrew was a lighter sleeper than Neil but he assumed months of stress, a harrowing flight across states and their late-night activities had finally gotten the better of him. Neil resisted the urge to yawn himself. 

He lay there for another half an hour,  _ staring _ . But eventually his body was itching to move. It was much later than he was used to waking \-  past eight, at least. With one last glance he rolled over, as carefully as he could, and started to push back the sheets. The blanket had been soiled the night before and tossed to the floor but even with just the thin white cotton covering them it would be a shame to leave the warmth behind. He made it so far as poking a foot out of the sheets when a hand caught his arm. Neil looked back over his shoulder to see Andrew peering at him, hazel orbs cloudy with sleep and voice heavy from hours of disuse. 

“Stay...” he muttered, and tugged back on Neil’s arm. 

Neil smiled and let himself be pulled backwards. Andrew slotted himself around Neil from shoulder to ankle, fitting them together like long-lost puzzle pieces. His pale arm reached around Neil’s middle to hold him in place and Neil smiled against the pillow. Running could wait. 

When he woke again it was  to hot kisses peppered along his shoulder blades, his neck and behind his ear. Andrew’s hand had  skimm ed further, stroking him until he was fully hard and Neil sighed pleasantly, arching back against smooth, warm skin. His own hand reached back and grabbed Andrew’s hip, encouraging the movement as he bucked into his hand. Andrew’s hand disappeared for a moment and Neil heard the click of a bottle, felt Andrew suck a bruise into the back of his neck, and the blunt tip of Andrew’s slick cock against his ass. They had moved passed yes and no years ago, it was more habit now than anything. Being able to read each other so  well meant words weren’t always necessary. But before Andrew could ask Neil reached back and guided Andrew inside of him. Andrew’s hand slid down his hip to his thigh and pulled it over his own for a better angle. They didn’t try this position often – Andrew preferred to look at him; to face him. It was less of a reminder of the men who abused him when he knew it was Neil in his bed. But Neil liked Andrew like this – pressed against his back, feeling every  tilt of his hips and every muscle move beneath his skin. Neil groaned quietly as Andrew panted into his neck. This wasn’t the same as last night . T heir pace was slow and fluid. Like they both wanted to remember this feeling as long as they could. 

Neil’s breath hitched when Andrew’s hand appeared from under the pillow to clamp  gently  around his throat. He smiled and started to tease Andrew for his own neck fetish, but Andrew seemed to sense the words and gave his throat a little squeeze and the words came out a groan. Neil tilted his head back so Andrew could drag his teeth along the side of his neck and Neil’s fingers dug bruises into Andrew’s waist behind him. It lasted for an age, until Andrew wrapped his hand around Neil’s cock and pulled him off in three firm strokes. Andrew’s body snapped taut and followed a minute later. Neil was still catching his breath when Andrew pulled out of him and reached around to grab his jaw, pulling him into a hard kiss more indicative of their usual temperaments. 

“Three times in twelve hours.....someone missed me...”murmured Neil. 

Andrew didn’t dignify that with a response, instead  he  shove d Neil’s face away. “Go brush your teeth, you reek.”

Neil gave a small chuckle and reluctantly climbed out of bed. He used the bathroom and brushed his teeth before moving to the glass shower stall. By the time he was finished Andrew was up and had the sheets balled up in the corner with the blanket and was digging through a cedar chest a gainst the wall  for more. 

“Coffee?” Neil asked, pulling a pair of shorts on over his dark blue boxer briefs and a t-shirt over scarred skin.

Andrew hummed his agreement and disappeared in the bathroom. 

It took a few deep breaths and rounds of counting for Neil to work up the courage to go downstairs. He was still uneasy about the situation and every time he thought about Andrew in the same room as Ichirou his stomach clenched painfully. But he pushed the feeling aside. Andrew had made it clear that he wasn’t to be left out, that they would work through this together no matter what.  They still needed to talk. He knew one night of surrender wasn’t enough to erase everything that happened in the last year. But right now, he just wanted to live in the moment, just a little longer. Where they were both together and safe. 

The clock on the stainless-steel stove read 9:12 when Neil entered the kitchen. Surprisingly, Nicky and Matt were the only two present. 

“You’re up early....” he said to Nicky, who he was surprised to see functional. He assumed they would be waking late with hangovers.

“Erik went running with Kevin and  Dan . Couldn’t get back to sleep,” he said sleepily, moving around to the other side of the bar so Neil could get to the coffee maker. 

Matt was eyeing him with great curiosity and seemed to be practically vibrating with the urge to ask how things had gone. But instead he just said, “Surprised you’re up so late. Figured you’d try to tag along with Kevin once I let you out of your cell .”

Nicky reached down and pulled the collar of Neil’s t-shirt aside to reveal several purple-red bruises on his skin, two of which were just visible on the edge of the fabric. Neil batted his hand away.

“Oh, they already got in their morning workout...and their evening workout, and their three am when people were trying to sleep workout....” chided Nicky, though he was grinning broadly. 

Neil froze with his hand on a mug and looked over his shoulder to glare at the taller Fox. 

“What? The walls are thin and your room is right above mine....try the bathtub if you don’t want anyone else hearing, that’s what Erik and I used...” Nicky winked at him over his coffee and Neil rolled his eyes. 

Matt seemed unable to contain himself any longer. “So. Things are okay then?”

With a heavy sigh Neil finished filling the two cups. He took his time pouring milk and an absurd amount of sugar into Andrew’s before he answered. “ No. But w e’re....working it out.”

Nicky snorted into his drink, “I’ll say...”

“We’ve still got some things to figure out, but I'm done shutting him out . Shutting you all out, ” explained Neil, ignoring Nicky. 

Matt breathed a sigh of relief, his shoulders slumping as he leaned onto the counter. “Thank god....you...we were really worried about you for a while. Both of you.”

“Yea...sorry about that...” He sipped his coffee with a sheepish smile. “And thanks for...you know. I think I needed the push. Literally. Sorry I hit you. ”

Matt ruffled his hair. “Don’t worry about it. That’s what  family is for.”

*

Later that evening Neil told his Foxes about the visit from Ichirou and what was going on and Andrew filled them in on what he planned to do. To their credit, no one argued, they just accepted the news as they always had and for that Neil was grateful. 

Afterwards , f or the next three days , Neil put the  Moriyamas , the turmoil from the last year and his upcoming move out of his mind. The team spent their days at a nearby lake, hiking trails or partying in their home away from home. Despite having not seen each other in so long, everyone fell back together like no time had passed at all. For a moment, Neil was back at PSU, on spring break, with his Foxes. With his family. 

But as the time for their departure neared the hollow feeling in his gut returned. Kevin had tried to bring up the topic to Andrew several times over the weekend but Andrew merely waved him off, or threatened him until he left them alone. It wasn’t until the night before they were due to leave that Neil broached the subject again. The two of them were sitting on the porch with a bottle of whisky between them. 

“When are you meeting him?” asked Neil, picking up the bottle for another swig. 

It took Andrew an age to answer, his eyes still cast forward to the dark forest that surrounded the cabin. 

“Tuesday, in New York.”

Neil drummed his fingers on the porch nervously. “Can I come? I mean...not to the meeting....but to New York. I want to be there if....”

“No. You’re not going to be anywhere near him.”

“But...”

“I’ll tell you how it went when I get to Springfield on the twenty third.”

Neil’s brows dug into his forehead. He assumed Matt or Kevin told him about the transfer. He hadn’t brought the subject up at all over the weekend. Andrew was probably just trying to change the subject.

“Inviting yourself to visit me?” he smirked. “Alright....at least, if I have an apartment by then. I haven’t even looked yet.”

“You won’t need to,” Andrew said simply. “I already got one.”

Now he was even more confused. “Got what?”

Andrew turned and leveled him with a blank stare. “An apartment.”

“Why....” Neil’s question caught on his tongue as his brain tried to process the information. 

“Evans is retiring next year,” said Andrew, taking a swig of whisky. “I signed  a week ago.”

Neil opened his mouth and closed it several times before he managed a hushed “Shut up.”

Evans was the current starting goalkeeper on the Spartan line. Their other two goalkeepers, James Tobin and  Tevan Gatlin were decent, but Andrew was better.  Much better.

Andrew only shrugged and swirled the meager contents of the bottle a few times while Neil’s eyes lit up like a Christmas tree, finally catching on. 

“You’re kidding.”

“I do  not  ‘kid’.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You didn’t ask.”

“How did you know we could even play together, the way things were...”

“ My decision had nothing to do with you .”

Neil grinned at that. “Liar.”

“I’m regretting  it already,” Andrew deadpanned, setting the bottle aside to lean back on his hands. “Maybe I’ll break the contract after all.”

“I’m going to kiss you.”

Hazel eyes locked on  blue. Andrew’s mouth twitched . He arched an eyebrow but didn’t say no.

Neil surged forward and buried his hands in Andrew’s hair. Andrew kept his hands curled against the wooden deck and let Neil lean him back slightly to deepen the kiss. They might have stayed that way forever if Allison hadn’t come outside. 

“Jesus, keep it in your pants, the both of you,” she said, a smile on her glossy lips. 

Neil pulled away and looked up at her. While they had tried to keep their relationship a secret from the public, they found themselves caught by the other Foxes more frequently than Neil would have liked. But right now, he didn’t care. He beamed at Allison. 

“Andrew signed with the Spartans,” he said, breathlessly. 

Andrew rolled his eyes and picked up the whisky again, checking out of the conversation. 

Allison just arched an eyebrow down at him and crossed her arms over her chest. “Yea...what, you didn’t know?”

“Wait...you did?”

“Sure, we all did. It’s been all over  Exy news stations for  d a ys ."

Neil tore his gaze away from Allison to glare at Andrew, but it was without heat and he was still somehow smiling. 

Andrew would be on his team. He would be on Andrew’s team. They would get to play together again. Live together.  _ Be _ together. This had to be a dream. This was better than his dreams. 

_ I don’t want to wake up. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to quickly talk about what it must have taken for Andrew to reach out to the Foxes for help with Neil. To tell them that there was something wrong and he needed their help to fix it. Can you imagine him telling Matt he needs to get Neil alone long enough to try and fix thing and Matt being hesitant at first because he wants to respect Neil's wishes but also he sees how miserable he is and wants to do whatever he can to make him happy? Ugh. I love them so much.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Rating: T (language/mentions of implied homophobia)
> 
> This is it. Last chapter and an epilogue to come later today!
> 
> Also we're about to go through a federal audit at work I'm in my last week of classes for the quarter in school, but even though I've been stressed your comments are giving me LIFE. So thanks for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All credit to Nora of course, I own nothing.
> 
> Visit me on tumblr if you have questions. [https://andthenthefirenationattacked.tumblr.com/]
> 
> Note: Canon compliant through the books and some of the extra content.

Blunt fingernails tapped the metal surface of the bistro table that sat along the busy street of New  York's Financial district . People passed by in droves, off to their jobs or running errands. Andrew watched every one of them pass, watching for hands or weapons. The ice in his latte had long since melted under the May sun and no amount of reciting boring classics in his head could keep him distracted from what he was about to do.

At exactly ten am, his phone buzzed, obnoxiously loud against the tabletop. ‘75th and 3 rd '. 

He tossed a few dollars on the table and tucked his phone away, walking the three blocks to his destination. A black limo was parked on the corner, not wholly out of place for the locale, which was probably why it had been chosen. Andrew climbed into the back and the car pulled off before he was even seated. 

Two men sat across from him, one he recognized as Ichirou Moriyama, the other likely some no-name henchmen. The second man had a gun trained on Andrew the moment he sat down. Andrew only quirked an eyebrow, unimpressed and unsurprised.  _ How unoriginal.  _

“I’ve researched your penchant for self-destruction, but this is bold, even for you,” said Ichirou, a cold smile on his lips. 

Andrew kept his expression blank and let his eyes drift upwards to lock with the object of his ire. 

“Let’s not waste time with pleasantries, I’m here to make a deal,” he said. 

Ichirou’s smile widened. “And why would I want to do that?”

“If you didn’t you would not  have agreed to meet me.”

It was barely noticeable but Andrew noticed the Moriyama stiffen at that. “Perhaps I simply thought it easier for you to come to me. It i s much easier to execute someone when they’re right in front of you.”

Andrew stayed silent. 

“You have three minutes to pique my interest, otherwise you will never see the outside of this car again and what the authorities fish out of the east river won’t even resemble you,” he said coldly. 

Andrew’s mouth twitched. “Eighty five percent of both of our earnings and endorsements. Mine and Neil’s. We both just signed with the Springfield Spartans. They’re ranked  6th in the league.”

“And what happens when the two of you are released from your contracts when the media catches wind of your ...proclivities ?” he sneered. 

Andrew blinked slowly but didn’t allow the statement to rile him. “Our current contracts do not  have a morality clause and they’re binding for two years. If you knew anything about  Exy you would know that our stats make us valuable regardless of what we do off the court.”

Ichirou drummed his fingers on his thigh and then smoothed out his immaculately tailored slacks. “This w ill not  end how you want it to. Your precious Exy fans may care for your statistics but the general public only cares who you’re fucking. They will only tolerate it so long. I do  not  like it when things become troublesome. It hinders progress.”

“I am not Riko. You can’t just  bury me and think this all goes away. Eighty five percent and you leave us alone, for good. Take the deal.”

“Are you threatening me boy? Riko was my blood and I  put a bullet in him for merely acting out of turn. What do you think will happen to you and your precious  butchers boy if you cross me?” asked Ichirou. 

“Not a goddamn thing,” sneered Andrew. 

And with that he opened his jacket. The man with the gun trained the weapon on his head but he only flicked open the fabric to reveal an envelope. Ichirou nodded and the man reached forward and snatched it from his pocket. The Moriyama boss took his time opening the envelope and Andrew’s expression once again fell placid. 

It had taken the better part of a month and almost two million dollars in bribes, but he managed to compile enough incriminating evidence to at least start laying a trail to the Moriyamas illicit activities. 

“You can kill me if you want. But know that if you do, all the evidence I’ve compiled goes immediately to the FBI. Bank records, recorded and written testimonies, and the conversation we’re having right now, the one where you just admitted to killing your brother,” Andrew pulled the wire from his pocket and tossed it on the  floor at the Yakuza’s feet.  “It’s amazing what you can do with money, but I ’m sure you  are  already aware of that. Which is why I  am  sure you would rather put it to better use. Neil and I are no longer your concern as long as we are making our agreed upon deposits. If one of us ends up dead you will be exposed. If one of our friends or family members end up dead, you will be exposed. I’ve been ready to die for years. Are you ready to  watch your empire fall ?”

Ichirous face contorted with fury as he looked over the contents of the envelope. When his eyes shot back to meet Andrew’s he was nearly shaking with rage. 

“You  _ stain _ of a child. Do you think you can extort me?” he said through gritted teeth. 

“I think you should just take the fucking money and stay out of our lives.”

They stared each other down for several heart stopping seconds. For a moment Andrew thought they would assume he was bluffing and just put a bullet in him there. Finally, Ichirou tossed the envelope back across the car and it landed on the floor by Andrew’s feet. 

“Get out of my sight,” he said, and pressed a button next to the door. 

The car rolled to a stop and Andrew moved to the door, watching the man with the gun for any sudden movements. When his fingers pulled on the handle Ichirou spoke again. 

“Ninety percent of your salaries and on e hundred percent of your endorsements. Do not make me regret my decision or you will surely regret yours.”

Andrew smiled, a cold, piercing gaze and he tapped two fingers to his forehead in a mock salute. “Pleasure doing business with you.”

The car sped away and Andrew watched it disappear around the corner. He dug nails into his palms just to feel the pain, just to make sure he was still alive.  There was a fifty/fifty chance Ichirou would just eliminate him on the spot instead of accepting his proposal. Well, maybe more like eighty/twenty. But  somehow , he was alive. All in all the meeting had been a little anti-climactic. And while he thought his predictions accurate, no part of him thought it would be _that_ easy. His ridiculous plan had worked. He wasn’t free...he would likely never be free from the shackles of his turbulent past, but he could live with this. Neil could live with this, and that was what really mattered. 

*

‘It’s done. Watch your backs for a while.’

Andrew sent the text to the Foxes group chat and to Wymack. No one responded, as was expected, but Neil called him immediately. 

_ “You’re okay,” he said, sounding equal parts terrified and relieved.  _

“I’m  _ fine _ .”

_ Neil clicked his tongue. “Smartass.” _

_ After a beat Neil asked, “So he took the deal?” _

“I offered eight five, he took ninety as expected. Predictable.”

There was silence for a moment and Andrew didn’t miss the shaky exhale through the receiver. 

_ “When can I see you?” asked Neil.  _

Andrew flagged down a cab and got inside, covering the receiver long enough to say ‘airport’. 

“I pick up the keys Sunday,” he said. “When are you done there?”

_ “Saturday. I can be there Monday. I was going to break up the trip, crash with  _ _ Wymack _ _ for a night. If that’s okay....” _

“Monday is fine,” said Andrew. 

Neil was silent again but Andrew could practically hear him chewing his lip through the line. 

“It’s going to be fine, Neil.”

_ “I know,” he breathed. “I just _ _....I’ll _ _ feel better when I’m there.” _

“Then hurry up and get your dumbass here,” sniped Andrew. 

_ “I will. Be safe, alright?” _

“Don’t drive your car off the road.”

_ “Asshole.” _

Andrew ended the call and a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. It felt foreign and he wiped the expression away with a swipe of his thumb. They weren’t safe. Not really. But he knew he would hold on until the end. He had never gotten to keep anything good his entire life and would be damned if he let someone take this away when he’d worked so hard for it.

*

Leaving Florida behind was like breaking free of a prison cell. Neil had gotten along with his team and his coaches well enough but his time there had had been a complete mess. It was too remote to be easily accessible for visits by his friends and the weather was horrendous. So, when he left Tallahassee in his rear view, he felt no pang of regret. 

Palmetto was out of his way, but only by an hour and a half and he didn’t feel up to making the thirteen-hour trip to Ohio in one shot. It was early evening when he arrived at Abby’s place. She and  Wymack had been ‘unofficially’ dating for more than three years. The both of them still avoided the topic of their relationship but they were living together and Neil thought the denial a pointless effort. When he arrived, he was happy to see that the two were alone. Apparently, no wayward youths needed to spend the summer with the team nurse this year. He had a pleasant evening reminiscing and filling them in on his future plans. When it got late  Wymack even gave Neil the code to the stadium gates and Neil used his keys to make a visit to the Foxhole Court. He vividly remembered trying to hand the keys back at the end of his fifth year and  Wymack pushing his hand away.  _ “You think I want those back? This is always your court, kid.” _ He spent an hour sitting on the giant fox paw on the half court line. W here it all started. He let himself miss the place properly for once. 

When he originally left , things were so tense that the loss hadn’t registered. But it hurt to walk away from Palmetto State. It was the first place he’d ever truly felt at home. Felt like he belonged. Over the years it became the people he was with rather than the place, but still, seeing it again settled an ache in his heart that he didn’t realize had been there. 

It was late when he returned to Abby's and early when he departed the next morning, with promises to visit more often and make sure to send tickets for his games whenever they might be able to make it. He left  South Carolina with a sated calm that he hadn’t felt in a long time. 

Seven and a half hours later, Neil climbed out of his car at the end of a long driveway, confusion etched on tired features. In front of him was a brick house surrounded by trees with heavy foliage. It was starting to get dark out, the sun having already dipped behind the tree line. M aybe he read the address wrong. But then Andrew padded down the steps of the single-story home wearing sweatpants and a tank top, his arms covered in black bands and sandals on his feet. 

“Uh....where are we?” Neil asked. 

Andrew breezed past him to open the trunk, “Our house.”

“Our what now?” Neil blinked several times, studying the building while Andrew manhandled his duffle bags from the back. It was lucky he owned so little since his car was small and only had two seats and a meager trunk. 

“House, moron. One of those things people live in...” Andrew said, a hint of exasperation in his tone. 

Neil whirled on him. “You said you rented an apartment.”

“Same thing.”

“ _ Andrew _ .”

“I don’t like neighbors.”

“So... you bought a house?” a smile crept onto Neil’s lips as he watched Andrew sling duffels over his shoulders. 

“ _ We  _ bought a house,” he clarified. 

Neil had to rush to shut his door and grab his remaining bags at a hurried pace to keep up with Andrew. 

“I didn’t pay for any of this.”

“Your name is on the deed.”

Neil froze at the bottom step and looked up at Andrew, who paused as well. 

His mouth gaped open. “But...how....”

“I forged your signature. Are you coming in or are you going to keep letting bugs in the house,” said Andrew, halfway inside the door. 

Neil followed and they dropped the bags on the floor once the door closed behind them.  It briefly occurred to him that all of Andrew’s actions indicated he knew exactly how everything would turn out. Not that  _ that _ was anything new. Andrew had always been good at predicting situations and more easily, people. Neil wanted to comment about it but was distracted by his new surroundings.

It wasn’t a large house but it was a new build. The floors were a dark hardwood and he could see through to the open concept kitchen. The appliances were stainless steel and the countertops were a gray and white marble. There was already a couch, coffee table and tv mounted to the wall in the living room. Neil left Andrew in the kitchen to explore, still numb with shock. There were two bedrooms. One was small and empty. The other had a queen-sized bed and a dresser already in place. A large area rug was under the bed, poking out a foot or so on each side. The larger bedroom had a bath attached with a  massive  free-standing tub and separate shower enclosure. On his way back out he passed a second full bathroom and behind the kitchen was another small room that he assumed was meant to be a dining room, even though the kitchen was plenty big for a table of its own. 

He stood in the center of the house and spun in place, trying to take it all in. It was modest but cozy and  even with  its newness and sparse furnishings.... it felt like _ home. _

“You bought us a house,” he said slowly. 

Andrew had his hands around a bottle of water and stopped to watch Neil with a bored expression. 

“If you don’t snap out of it you are sleeping on the couch,” muttered Andrew. 

His voice was a trigger and Neil turned with a grin. He marched over and dug his fingers into the counter-top to survey Andrew while he gulped down his water. 

He had so many things he needed to say but none of them seemed to want to come out. All he could do was stare. Stare at the man who was constantly saving his life, in every way possible. The man who had given him a home, over and over again when Neil barely knew what a home was. 

At length, Andrew put down the bottle and pressed two fingers to Neil’s jaw to push his face away. “Don’t look at me like that.”

But Neil did. He turned his head back and looked at Andrew  _ like that _ . Because despite what might have been said all those years ago, Andrew was his answer, and he hoped that he was Andrews.

The goalkeeper leaned across the counter, mirroring his own pose and stared him down, hazel eyes flicking from blue down to his lips. When their gazes met again Andrew’s mouth twitched and Neil’s smile only grew wider. Not a cold smile . N ot the one that belonged to his father. But a kinder, genuine expression he’d only managed to attain in recent years. 

“I hate you,” said Andrew, not looking away. 

Neil reached out and grabbed a fistful of blond hair, pulling him in. And before he kissed him, he murmured against waiting lips, “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It might seem a little implausible for Andrew to be able to play Ichirou like a fiddle. But Ichirou thinks he is untouchable. But there's one thing Andrew has that Ichirou wasn't expecting and that's the AUDACITY.


	9. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Rating: T (language/mentions of minor character death)
> 
> Just some fluff and tying up loose ends - and my shameless headcanons.
> 
> Thank you guys for sticking with me! This was just a little side story so I'm going to get back to work on my longer WIP's (hopefully I will post them one day), but I really appreciate all the comments!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All credit to Nora of course, I own nothing.
> 
> Visit me on tumblr if you have questions. [https://andthenthefirenationattacked.tumblr.com/]
> 
> Note: Canon compliant through the books and some of the extra content.
> 
> This story is COMPLETE.

The heater kicking into overdrive woke Neil from his slumber one morning in late January. It was Sunday  \-  the only day of the week they had off. Most sane people would spend the day indoors, lazing around under blankets with hot chocolate, avoiding the icy cold air of the Ohio winter. And Neil was tempted. Andrew was curled up next to him, his right arm thrown over Neil’s and his feet tucked under Neil’s calves. For some reason Andrew hated wearing socks to sleep, even in the dead of winter, opting instead to suck the warmth from Neil’s skin. But Neil didn’t mind. He managed to lay still for another ten minutes but eventually dragged himself from the plush mattress. Andrew cracked an eye open at the movement but ultimately rolled over to go back to sleep. 

During the summer and fall Andrew had accompanied Neil on most of his morning runs, citing he didn’t want to let Neil out of his sight since he would probably either end up lost, or  dead  with his luck. But Neil liked to think the pint-sized goalkeeper simply enjoyed his company. Though perhaps it was Andrew’s competitive streak now that they were on the same team, refusing to lag behind in conditioning so he wouldn’t be usurped by the rookie striker. Neil had suggested this once and Andrew had, of course, firmly denied the accusation. 

After a quick change into a pair of thermal leggings with s horts over top along with a thin under armor under his old PSU hoodie, Neil carefully left the house. Two miles to the west was their favorite local pub and two miles to the east, a large park where Neil did most of his running. There was still a considerable amount of snow on the ground but the roads had been cleared for days. When he arrived at the  park he was happy to find last night's snowfall hadn’t been substantial enough to overcome the salted walkways. He ran at a slower pace, careful to look out for ice. Forty-five minutes later he was again at the exit of the park. 

Neil paused to stretch, spreading his legs and reaching for one ankle, then the other. When he straightened a noise caught his attention. Looking down he found the culprit of the sound – two small kittens, now weaving between his legs and crying loudly. One was a mottled brown and black with bright green eyes, the other white and black with longer fur and yellow eyes. Neil looked around, wondering how the hell these animals could be living out in here in such conditions. Upon further inspection he noticed an overturned box a few yards away between bushes. A thin blanket was strewn  on the  ground  next to  the remnants of a  few empty tins  of cat food. Neil’s heart sank. He had never been overly fond of animals but didn’t have anything against them either, and even he knew it was cruel to abandon them like this. 

He looked around once more, maybe to call for help or see if there was  anywhere he could take them to get them out of the elements. But he was alone, the weather too unforgiving for there to be other joggers around. He stared down at the kittens for a solid five minutes contemplating his choices, and then scooped them up and tucked them inside the front pocket of his hoodie. He supposed he could drop them off at a shelter . T hat’s what you were supposed to do, right?

He walked the two miles back to his house and as the kittens stopped crying, curled up against the warmth of his  body through the fabric , he made a decision. 

Andrew was awake, standing in the kitchen with tousled hair and a sour expression on his face while he waited for coffee to brew. He tilted his head in Neil’s direction, giving him his patented ‘you insane junkie, you  are  an idiot for running in this weather’ look, but otherwise didn’t seem to notice anything off. 

Neil kicked off his shoes by the door and crammed his hands in the pocket of his shirt. He felt fur but the kittens didn’t stir. Andrew’s gaze was drawn to the window where it started to lightly snow again so he didn’t pay much attention to Neils approach. Neil inserted himself beside the stool on the other side of the bar across from Andrew. 

“So.....you likes cats okay, right?” asked Neil, tapping his thumbs on the marble , remembering the few times he’d seen Andrew put food out for strays at the Columbia house . 

“Better than you most of the time,” said Andrew, without missing a beat. 

Andrew never was a morning person. 

Neil bit his lip. “So...if we got a cat...that wouldn’t be so bad.”

Andrew’s head turned back and hazel eyes gave Neil a once over. He was still sleep addled but Neil could see his mind sharpening by the second. His gaze flicked down to Neil’s overstuffed hoodie. 

“Neil. Is there a cat in your jacket?”

“No,” he said automatically, shifting nervously. 

Andrew arched a blond eyebrow at him and watched as Neil reached in to retrieve the kittens. 

“Two cats,” he said. 

The kittens stirred from being jostled and Neil cradled  them in his arms for a long moment before looking back up at Andrew through long lashes. 

“No,” said Andrew, his voice monotone and expression completely blank. 

“Someone dumped them. Andrew, they don’t have a home,” Neil didn’t mean to whine but he knew how he sounded and couldn’t find  it in  himself to regret it. 

“ _ No _ .”

“In the cold, in a cardboard box. It’s twenty degrees outside...”

“Absolutely not.”

Andrews eyes narrowed, Neil pouted, the kittens meowed quietly. 

Four hours later Neil finished securing a litter box under a fake plant in the spare bathroom and Andrew sat on the floor of their dining room turned office, swearing loudly as he tried to put together a complicated cat tree while the kittens climbed all over him. He swore louder when he realized Neil was snapping pictures when he wasn’t looking. 

“They need names,” said Neil, in too good of a mood for even Andrew’s grumpy countenance to spoil his victory.

“How about T weedle Dee and T weedle Dumbass....wait, the second one is already taken,” he said, shooting a glare back at Neil as he removed the tortoiseshell from his leg for the fifth time. 

“Don’t be stupid. They need real names. Cat names.”

Neil watched Andrew’s bicep flex through his thin cotton shirt as he tightened another bolt. 

“Names are your area of expertise, not mine,” he supplied with a huff. 

Neil shook his head. “I’ve only ever named myself, and those were always meant to be temporary. Mostly. These things will be stuck with the names we give them for the rest of their lives...”

“How long is that? Don’t cats only live like five years or something?”

“What? No . Shut up....be quiet if you’re not going to be helpful,” said Neil. 

“Gladly,” replied Andrew, pushing away the other cat gently while he snatched the instructions from the floor. 

With a smile on his face Neil slid into the office chair with his phone. He sent one of the pictures to the foxes group chat. Renee and Allison were both out of the country and in different time zones, but perhaps some of the other Foxes might have a suggestion. 

** [Nicky]  ** Oh my god. Did you guys get cats?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?! I HAVE GRANDCATS?

** [Neil]  ** You’re their cousin not their grandfather. That makes absolutely no sense.

** [Matt]  ** aww , you will make such cute cat parents.  i ’m so proud of you guys.  a nd  d an says hi btw.

** [Aaron]  ** Are we still betting on things? $50 says they can’t manage to keep them alive for two months.

** [Nicky] ** Don’t be an asshole Aaron!

** [Kevin]  ** Pets are only a distraction. Who is going to take care of them when you’re a t a way games ?

** [Nicky]  ** Jesus you too? Cats are like, self-sustainable, Or something. They basically take care of themselves.

** [Allison] ** I thought he asked for names? Personally, I vote Allison, for both of them. It’s a strong name, commands respect. And they’re just as adorable as I am.

**[Matt]** are they girls or boys?

** [Neil] ** Fuck if I know. I found them in the bushes.

** [Nicky] ** THAT’S SO SWEET NEIL, I CAN’T WAIT TO MEET THEM.

** [Matt] ** w hat about  s pot and  c oco?

** [Nicky]  ** Matthew I know you are not that boring.

** [Allison] ** Seconded, way too boring.

** [Kevin] ** If you insist on keeping them you should give them  Exy names.

** [Allison] ** No, Kevin.

** [Nicky]  ** NO

** [Matt]  ** n o  k evin .

** [Neil]  ** Andrew already wants to murder me so I shouldn’t push it.

** [Aaron] ** If that’s the case I second Kevin’s suggestion.

** [Neil]  ** Fuck off.

** [Nicky]  ** Okay okay...I got it...how about ....Sir Meower the Ruthless.

** [Nicky] ** Or what about...Sir Fat Cat  McCatterson .

** [Neil]  ** Nicky.

** [Nicky] ** OHH, The Great Mouseketeer! Or KING FLUFFKINS.

** [Neil]  ** Those are really long.

** [Matt] ** i dunno ,  i kinda like  k ing and  s ir  f at  c at.

** [Allison] ** Those are pretty solid names for some badass cats, actually.

** [Matt]  ** d an also votes  k ing and  s ir  f at c at.

** [Kevin] ** Those are ridiculous. 

** [Nicky] ** It’s settled! The brown one is Sir Fat Cat  McCatterson and the white one is King Fluffikins. Go forth and conquer , my grandcats.

** [ ** ** Allison] ** The Foxhole Court has made its final ruling.

** [Neil]  ** I hate all of you.

** [ ** ** Nicky] ** But you’re  gonna do it.

Neil sighed heavily and tossed his phone on the desk. Leaning forward he snatched up ‘King’ and watched Andrew push the cat tree upright. It was taller than the two of them by at least a foot. Sir was already climbing through one of the hidey-holes. 

“Would you like to tell me why my phone has been going off like a defective vibrator?” asked Andrew, standing to survey his work before turning to face Neil. 

Neil chewed on his lip. “The Foxes helped me name the cats.”

Andrew crossed his arms over his chest and jutted his chin with raised brows in impatient anticipation.

Neil pointed to the cat in the tree.

“That one is Sir Fat Cat McCatterson,” he said, and then held up the kitten in his lap for inspection. “This one is King Fluffkins.”

Somehow, he managed to say it all with a straight face and Andrew stared at him for a solid two minutes, as if waiting for the punchline of his obviously poor attempt at a joke. 

“One hundred and twenty-two,” he said, marching out of the office. 

Neil smiled and turned the cat in his lap so it was facing him. “Don’t worry, he’ll come around.”

“ _ Stop talking to the fucking cats, Neil _ ,” Andrew called from the other room. 

*

When they settled onto the couch that night, Andrew with a tub of ice cream (Neil had been forced to buy several pints when they were out  with a promise not to chastise Andrew about his eating habits  to make up for his morning surprise), and Neil with his computer on his lap, the snow finally stopped. 

It was a little after seven and they would go to sleep in a couple hours since they had to get up at five am for training. When his phone buzzed, Neil set aside his laptop and reached across the coffee table for the device. He smiled as he plucked the phone from the surface, watching Sir try to climb on Andrew’s lap to get to the ice cream while he scowled and tried to push him (or was it her?) off with his elbow. 

“Go away asshole...” he said. 

Neil chuckled and looked down at his phone. It was a five-word text f rom Kevin sent only minutes ago . ‘Turn on the news. Now.’

The remote was stuffed between the cushions and it took him to second to get it out. He turned the volume up when he settled on a national news station. 

_ “ _ _..... _ _ A fire this morning in the financial district had several local businesses evacuating. It started on the top floor the Moriyama Enterprises building, reportedly during a board meeting. So far sixteen are confirmed dead, including the CEO Ichirou Moriyama. A dozen other employees are in the hospital suffering smoke inhalation but are expected to recover. Authorities have not yet released a cause of the fire but they do suspect arson may have been involved....”  _

Neil didn’t hear the rest of whatever the news anchor said. At some point he had reached out and grasped Andrew by the wrist, squeezing, eyes locked on the television. For one terrifying moment Neil’s mind ran wild. His head whipped around to the goalkeeper and his voice came out a choked whisper. 

“Did you....”

Andrew blinked slowly. “Of course not.”

He was telling the truth. But then how....who....?

Andrew pulled his hand away and put the top back on the ice cream, setting it off to the side. Sir jumped down. 

“He had a lot of enemies, Neil.”

Neil nodded a few times, trying to breathe evenly, trying to comprehend just what this meant. For himself. And for Andrew, Kevin and Jean. 

“Yea...yea...you’re right.”

Andrew turned in his seat so his knees were pressed into Neil’s thigh and he reached up, hand sliding around to clamp down on the back of his neck. “Everything is going to be alright. Say it.”

Neil took a deep breath and forced himself to meet Andrew’s eyes. It took him two tries but he repeated the phrase. 

“Everything is going to be alright.”

“We’re safe.”

Neil nodded, letting Andrews hand anchor him to the present. “We’re safe.”

“You believe me?” asked Andrew, rubbing small circles under his hairline with his thumb. 

With a small smile, Neil met Andrews intent stare with one of his own. “I believe you.”

And he did. No matter what happened...no matter the fall out, they would be okay. They would face it together. Because _ this _ , couldn’t be broken. Couldn’t be taken away from them. It was solid, and indestructible and it was  _ home _ . It was everything. It was forever.

“I believe you....” he said again. 

And when Andrew leaned in, Neil met him halfway. They crashed together like they had done so many times before and by the time the snow started again, not even air separated them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit about the cats is from the extra tumblr content. The headcanon I posted on tumblr the other day is from this story.


End file.
